14個人際交往小技巧助你變身萬人迷

We all care about what others think of us and want to be liked.

我們都在乎別人怎么看待我們，都渴望被別人喜歡。

The basics of getting people to like you are obvious — be nice, be considerate, be a decent human being. However, there are also many smaller, more discreet things you can do that can have a huge effect on how others perceive you.

讓別人喜歡上你的基本方法很明顯——要和藹、考慮周到、正派。然而你還能做一些更細(xì)小、更簡單的事，這會對其他人對你的印象造成巨大影響。

1. Use a Person's Name.

叫對方的名字。

Let's face it — we're all huge narcissists and we all love the sound of our own name. Learn names and make use of them. Always use an individual's name in a conversation. This tried-and-true technique is sure to increase your fan base.

我們要面對現(xiàn)實(shí)——我們都很自戀，喜歡聽別人叫自己的名字，問問別人的名字并且用名字稱呼他們，和別人聊天時要經(jīng)常提到對方的名字。這個行之有效的技巧一定會為你贏得眾多粉絲。

2. Smile — With Feeling!

微笑——要發(fā)自內(nèi)心!

When someone offers a huge grin brimming with authenticity, happiness rubs off on its receivers. There have been many studies showing how mood, whether positive or negative, spreads between individuals. If your positive attitude brightens someone else's day, that person will love you for it.

當(dāng)有人真心實(shí)意地微笑時，幸福會感染對方。曾有很多研究表明無論是積極還是消極的情緒都會在人與人之間傳遞。如果你的積極態(tài)度讓別人一天都感到幸福，他也會因此愛上你。

3. Listen (Not Just With Your Ears).

傾聽(不只是用耳朵)。

It's probably a no-brainer that people will like you more if you listen to them. This starts with ignoring your Twitter feed while out to dinner with friends, but goes a lot further than that. You can show you're listening to someone through body language (positioning your body to face someone and mirroring his or her stance), eye contact (giving plenty of it), and verbal confirmation (we'll talk more about this next).

如果你聆聽別人的傾訴，他們就會更喜歡你，這件事可能很好理解。你可以從跟朋友出去吃飯時不看推特做起，但你需要做的還有很多。你可以用肢體語言(身體要面向?qū)Ψ侥７聦Ψ降淖藙?、眼神交流(這個要有很多)和言語上的確認(rèn)(我們接下來要多聊聊這件事)來表明你在聽對方說話。

4. Use Verbal Confirmation.

言語確認(rèn)。

Most psychology books refer to this technique as "active listening." Active listening revolves around demonstrating your listening skills by repeating segments of what an individual has said to you.

大多數(shù)心理學(xué)書籍把這個稱為“積極傾聽”。積極傾聽圍繞的是通過重復(fù)對方的一部分話來證明你的傾聽技巧。

In speech this kind of dialogue can actually go a long way to make people like you more. It makes the other individual feel as though you really are paying attention. Plus, people love to hear their own words echoed back at them as it pats their egos a bit.

在實(shí)際對話中這種對話能繼續(xù)下去并使人們更喜歡你。這會使對方感覺你真的很投入，此外，人們喜歡聽到他們的話被附和，這能提高他們的自信。

5. Conversation Recall: Prove You're Paying Attention.

對話回想：證明你在注意聽。

To really show someone you've been paying attention, try bringing up a topic that the person mentioned earlier. Did your co-worker talk about working with his son on a science fair project last week? Follow up and ask how it went. They don’t have to be big, life-changing events. In fact, sometimes it says more that you can recall and show interest in even the small happenings in another person's life.

為了真正表明你在注意聽，你可以試著提出對方之前提過的話題。你的同事談?wù)撋现芎退麅鹤右黄饏⒓涌茖W(xué)展覽了?你可以接著這個話題問問他展覽怎么樣。他們說的可能都不是威脅生命的大事，其實(shí)有時你能回憶起他們說的話、甚至對對方生活里的小事都感興趣才更有說服力。

6. Sincere Compliments and Plentiful Praise.

真誠的贊美和各種稱贊。

As noted again by the famous self-improvement expert Dale Carnegie, individuals crave authentic appreciation. This is very different from empty flattery, which most people are adept at detecting. No one likes a brown-nose, and most people don't particularly love being pandered to. What people really want is sincere appreciation — to be recognized and appreciated for their efforts.

著名的自我提高方面的專家戴爾·卡內(nèi)基再次表明每個人都渴望真誠的欣賞。這和空洞的奉承有很大區(qū)別，大部分人都容易發(fā)覺。誰都不喜歡拍馬屁，大部分人尤其不喜歡被人迎合。人們真正想要的是真誠的欣賞——他們的努力被認(rèn)可被贊賞。

7. Handle Criticism With Tact.

批評要委婉。

While you want to be generous with your praise, be stingy with your criticism. People have delicate egos, and even a slight word of condemnation can wound someone's pride. If someone makes an error, don't call that person out in front of a group. Consider praising before and after a criticism.

雖然贊揚(yáng)時不該吝嗇，但批評別人時要注意。人們的自尊心都很脆弱，即使一點(diǎn)點(diǎn)指責(zé)都會傷害到人的自尊。如果有人犯錯誤了，不要當(dāng)著一群人的面說出來。你可以考慮在批評前后都稱贊對方。

Another strategy for diplomatically dispensing corrections is to begin by discussing your own mistakes before digging into someone else's errors. Ultimately, aim to be always gentle with criticism and only offer it when it's truly needed.

另外一個委婉糾正別人的方法就是先說說自己的錯誤，然后再深究別人的錯誤。你的最終目的就是要委婉地批評，真有必要時才給予指正。

8. Avoid Issuing Orders — Ask Questions Instead.

避免發(fā)號施令——用問題來代替。

No one enjoys being bossed around. So what do you do when you need something done? The truth is that you can get the same result from asking a question as you can by giving an order. The outcome may be the same, but the individual's feeling and attitude can vary greatly depending on your approach.

沒有人喜歡被別人發(fā)號施令，所以你需要讓別人做點(diǎn)事時該怎么辦呢?其實(shí)你可以用問題來代替命令也能得到同樣的效果。結(jié)果是一樣的，但你采取的方法不同，對方的感受和態(tài)度就會不同。

9. Be a Real Person, Not a Robot.

做一個真正的人，不做機(jī)器人。

People like to see character and authenticity. Try to be confident but respectful. Some cooperation experts suggest stepping toward a person and bending slightly forward when you're introduced, in a gesture of a bow. These kinds of gestures can go a long way toward making people think more highly of you.

人們喜歡看到個性和真實(shí)的一面，努力表現(xiàn)得自信但有禮貌。一些合作專家建議你朝一個人走去，把你介紹給別人時你要微微俯身，做出鞠躬的姿勢。這些姿勢都有助于別人對你作出更高評價。

10. Become an Expert in Storytelling.

善于講故事。

People love a good story, and great stories require sophisticated storytellers. Storytelling is an art form that requires understanding of language and pacing. Master the fine oral tradition of storytelling and people will flock to you like you're The Bard.

人們都喜歡好故事，好故事也要有擅長的人來講。講故事是一門藝術(shù)，需要對語言的理解并注意語速。掌握這種好的口述故事方法，人們就會聚集在你身邊奉你為詩人。

11. Physical touch.

身體接觸。

This one's a bit tricky, and I hesitate to even mention it because obviously it needs to be done in a certain manner. However, it has been shown that very subtle physical touch makes individuals feel more connected to you. A great example is gently touching someone's forearm (with your left hand) while shaking hands (with your right hand) — it's a great way to finish up a conversation. Not everyone will feel comfortable with this strategy, and if it's not for you, that's fine.

這一條有點(diǎn)不好辦，我猶豫要不要提，因?yàn)槟阈枰⒁夥绞?。然而，有研究表明極其細(xì)微的身體接觸會使對方感覺跟你更親密。一個很好的例子就是(用右手)握手時，(用你的左手)輕輕觸碰對方的前臂——這個方法很適用于聊天結(jié)束時，但不適用于所有人，如果你不習(xí)慣也沒關(guān)系。

12. Ask for advice.

征求意見。

Asking someone for advice is, somewhat surprisingly, a great strategy for getting people to like you. Asking for advice shows that you value the other individual's opinion and demonstrates respect. Everyone likes to feel needed and important. When you make someone feel better about himself or herself, that person will most certainly end up liking you for it.

有點(diǎn)意外吧，向別人征求意見很容易讓別人喜歡上你。征求意見表明你看重他們的想法也能顯示你的尊重。每個人都喜歡被需要以及他們很重要的感覺，你讓別人自我感覺更好了，他最終也會因此喜歡你的。

13. Avoid the clichés.

避免老生常談。

Let's face it — most of us don't like boring people. Instead, we like the unusual, the unique — sometimes even the bizarre. One great example of situations in which it's important to avoid clichés is in interviews. Rather than parroting the "nice to meet you"s at the conclusion of an interview, add some kind of variation to make you memorable, even in a tiny way. Try something like "I've really enjoyed talking with you today". You don't have to reinvent the wheel — just be yourself.

我們要面對現(xiàn)實(shí)——大多數(shù)人都不喜歡無聊的人。相反，我們喜歡不尋常的獨(dú)特的人——有時甚至怪異的我們都喜歡。一個很好的例子就是在面試中這點(diǎn)很重要，不要鸚鵡學(xué)舌般地在面試結(jié)束時說“很高興見到你。”這一類的話，你可以變換一種說法來使別人記住你，即使有一點(diǎn)改變都行。試試這樣說“今天和你聊天真的很開心。”你不需要重復(fù)，做好你自己就行。

14. Ask questions.

問問題。

Asking other people questions — about their lives, their interests, their passions — is a surefire way to get brownie points in their friendship books. People are egocentric — they love to talk about themselves. If you're asking questions and getting people to talk about themselves, they'll leave the conversation thinking you're the coolest. Even if the conversation didn't really give the other person a reason to like you, he or she will think better of you subconsciously just for indulging this or her ego.

問別人一些關(guān)于它們生活、興趣或愛好的問題是贏得友誼屢試不爽的方法。人們都以自我為中心——他們喜歡討論自己。如果你問問題，讓他們談?wù)撽P(guān)于自己的事，聊完天的時候他們會覺著你真好。即使對話內(nèi)容真的沒法讓對方喜歡上你，但就因?yàn)槌两谶@種自我價值感里，他或她在潛意識里也會對你印象更好。