學(xué)會(huì)說“不”：為人生設(shè)限帶來的10大好處

　　You can't be all things — or do all things — for all people.
　　
　　你不能為所有人成為任何人或做所有事。

　　A life without limits means rarely saying "no" and considering everyone else's feelings before your own. Not only are these people-pleasing habits wholly exhausting, they put you on the direct road to burnout, a major health hazard in its own right.

　　不設(shè)限的人生意味著極少說“不”，把所有其他人的感受放在自己的感受之前。這些取悅他人的習(xí)慣不但會(huì)讓你徹底筋疲力盡，還會(huì)讓你直接走向崩潰，嚴(yán)重危害你的健康。

　　We consulted boundaries expert Chad Buck, a clinical psychologist at Vanderbilt University's Work/Life Employee Assistance Program, on the life-changing power of establishing a clear-cutview of what you're willing to tolerate. Below are a few great things that happen when you learn to set your own limits:

　　我們咨詢了范德堡大學(xué)“員工工作與生活援助項(xiàng)目”的臨床心理學(xué)家、設(shè)限專家查德·巴克，請(qǐng)他來告訴我們?nèi)绻苊鞔_自己愿意承受的限度，會(huì)給生活帶來多大的改變。如果你學(xué)會(huì)了設(shè)限，就會(huì)得到以下幾點(diǎn)好處：

　　1. You're more self-aware.

　　你會(huì)更有自知之明。

　　Self awareness is the art of recognizing your needs and feelings as your own, and not tied to any person or your environment. Creating your own limitations is an inherently self-aware act — and that can be incredibly beneficial for your own welfare.

　　自知是一種不受任何人或周遭環(huán)境影響來認(rèn)識(shí)自己需要和感受的藝術(shù)。設(shè)定自己的限度本身就是一種自知行為——它能給你帶來不可思議的好處。

　　2. You become a better friend and partner.

　　你會(huì)成為更好的朋友和伴侶。

　　Boundaries make it possible to allow yourself to recharge. And when you're not totally tapped out, you have more energy to devote to the ones you love.

　　設(shè)限能讓你有機(jī)會(huì)恢復(fù)能量。你不會(huì)把自己搞得筋疲力盡，也就會(huì)有更多的精力來照顧自己所愛的人。

　　3. You take better care of yourself.

　　你能更好地照顧自己。

　　Boundaries help you prioritize your own well-being — plain and simple.

　　理所當(dāng)然地，設(shè)限能幫你重視自己的需要。

　　4. You're less stressed.

　　你會(huì)少些壓力。

　　Without establishing your own limits, you open yourself up to the risk of taking on everyone's problems in addition to your own. Or worse, you ignore your own happenings entirely. If you have a reasonable boundary, you don't take on additional stress.

　　不設(shè)限的話，你就有可能把所有人的問題變成自己的問題，將自己置于這種風(fēng)險(xiǎn)之中。或者，還有更糟的情況，就是你會(huì)完全忽略自己的幸福。如果你有合理的限度，就不會(huì)吸納額外的壓力了。

　　5. You're a better communicator.

　　你能更好地與人溝通。

　　In order to really establish limits, you have to state what you can or cannot tolerate, Buck said. That means being clear and concise. Expressing your own needs will also allow you to be more transparent. All of these characteristics are elements of good communication.

　　巴克說，為了真正設(shè)立限度，你必須要明確說明你能忍受什么或者不能忍受什么，這也就意味著你必須說得清楚簡(jiǎn)潔。表達(dá)自己的需要還會(huì)讓你成為一個(gè)更透明的人。所有這些特征都是構(gòu)建良好溝通的元素。

　　6. You start trusting people more.

　　你開始更加信任他人。

　　Expressing your limitations to others means you're trusting them to handle those emotions you’re conveying, Buck said. And more trust means better relationships.

　　巴克說，能向別人表達(dá)出你的限度，說明你信任他們，相信他們能夠處理好你傳達(dá)的情緒。而更多信任也就意味著更好的關(guān)系。

　　7. You're less angry.

　　你會(huì)少些憤怒。

　　When you don't have set boundaries, it means that gives other people the power over your own life — and that can lead to anger.

　　你不為自己設(shè)限，也就給了別人支配你生活的權(quán)力——而這樣就會(huì)導(dǎo)致憤怒情緒。

　　8. You learn how to say "no."

　　你會(huì)學(xué)會(huì)如何說“不”。

　　"No" may be a small word but it's certainly powerful. The most basic way of establishing a boundary is declining anything you don't have the capacity to handle.

　　“不”可能是個(gè)很小的字眼，但無疑具有巨大的能量。設(shè)限的最基本方式就是拒絕那些你無力處理的事情。

　　9. You end up doing things you actually want to do.

　　你終于可以做你真正想做的事。

　　Limits free you up for more opportunity to do the work and activities that you actually desire to do.

　　設(shè)限會(huì)將你解放，讓你有更多的機(jī)會(huì)去參與你真正渴望的工作和活動(dòng)。

　　10. You become a more understanding person.

　　你會(huì)成為一個(gè)更貼心的人。

　　When you're compassionate toward yourself about what you can tolerate, you're better able to express that to other people who have their own boundaries they want to follow.

　　當(dāng)你能對(duì)自己有同情心、知曉自己能承受的限度，你也就能更好地表達(dá)對(duì)別人的同情心并理解他人遵循的限度。