怎樣和你的孩子談?wù)撔?/h1>

所屬教程:英語漫讀

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ONE of the many problems with parenting is that kids keep changing. Just when you’re used to one stage, they zoom into another. I realized this was happening again recently, when my 8-year-old asked me about babies. She knows they grow in a mother’s belly, but how do they get in there to begin with?

養(yǎng)育子女會(huì)遇到很多問題，其中之一就是孩子是不斷在變的。你剛適應(yīng)了一個(gè)階段，他們“嗖”一下就到下一階段了。最近我發(fā)現(xiàn)這種變化又來了，我那個(gè)8歲的孩子開始問我有關(guān)寶寶的事。她知道嬰兒是在媽媽的肚子里成長(zhǎng)的，但是他們是怎么進(jìn)去的呢?

I wasn’t sure how much to reveal, so I stalled. “I’ll tell you soon,” I said, adding, “it involves penises.” I didn’t want to shock her or shatter her innocence. Like any good American, I’d assumed that one day (many years hence) we’d have that stilted conversation in which I’d reveal the strange mechanics of sex, and she’d tell me that she already knew all about it.

我不知道該披露多少內(nèi)容，于是就拖延了一下。“我很快就會(huì)告訴你的，”我說，接著補(bǔ)充了一句，“跟陰莖有關(guān)。”我不想嚇著她，或者有損她的天真無邪。我和每一個(gè)純良的美國(guó)人一樣，想象有朝一日(再過很多年)我們會(huì)進(jìn)行一場(chǎng)尷尬的對(duì)話，屆時(shí)我將把性這方面的奇怪運(yùn)作方式和盤托出，然后她會(huì)跟我說她早就知道了。

Since I live in France, I decide to investigate how Europeans approach this. Do parents give their kids the birds-and-bees talk, too? Is the subject any less awkward here? Is there some savoir-faire to help me navigate this next phase and beyond?

由于生活在法國(guó)，我打算調(diào)查一下歐洲人如何處理這種事。這里的父母也會(huì)跟孩子說一通小鳥啊、蜜蜂啊之類的東西嗎?這個(gè)話題在這里是不是稍微沒那么難堪?有沒有什么專業(yè)技巧能助我度過這個(gè)和未來的階段?

I begin my research at a Parisian science museum with an exhibition, Zizi sexuel l’expo, (its English title is Sex — Wot’s the Big Deal?) to teach 9- to 14-year-olds about sexuality. There’s advice about kissing. (Do turn your head sideways, “especially if you’ve got a big nose.” Don’t do the “coffee grinder,” where you spin your tongue in the other person’s mouth.) In the puberty section, I’m asked to identify a smell (it’s armpit) and step on a pedal that makes small white balls — representing sperm — fly out of a pretend penis.

我是從一場(chǎng)巴黎科學(xué)博物館的展覽入手的，展覽名字叫Zizi sexuel l’expo(英文名是《性——有啥大不了的?》[Sex — Wot’s the Big Deal?])，目的是向9到14歲的孩子教授性知識(shí)。里面有如何接吻的建議。(需要把頭歪向一邊，“尤其是如果你有一個(gè)大鼻子。”不要“磨咖啡”，就是在別人的嘴里轉(zhuǎn)動(dòng)你的舌頭。)在青春期展區(qū)，我要辨別一種氣味(是腋窩)，然后踩一個(gè)踏板，讓一些代表精子的小白球從一個(gè)假陰莖里飛出來。

There’s also a whole section on how complicated love is. One sign explains that “loving someone sometimes makes you happy and sometimes makes you really sad. But even when you’re upset, you still want to love and be loved because it makes you feel so alive.”

有整整一個(gè)展區(qū)講的是愛的復(fù)雜性。一塊牌子上寫著“愛一個(gè)人有時(shí)讓你開心，有時(shí)讓你難過。但即使是煩惱的時(shí)候，你也還是想去愛，想被愛，因?yàn)閻圪x予你活著的感覺。”

The French aren’t paragons of sex education. Though schools are required to teach it, they often don’t. Instead of “the talk,” French children typically get “the book,” says Philippe Brenot, a sexologist. “In general that’s what it is in France. At 12, 13, 14 years old, it’s, ‘Here, take this and read it.’ ”

法國(guó)人并非性教育的模范。學(xué)校是有相關(guān)教育要求的，但他們往往不去執(zhí)行。性學(xué)家菲利普·布赫努(Philippe Brenot)說，法國(guó)孩子一般得到的不是“交談”而是“書本”。“總的來說這就是法國(guó)的情況。12、13、14歲的時(shí)候，就這樣，‘喏，拿這個(gè)去看。’”

Like the exhibition, these books (at least the ones I’ve seen; there are dozens) give clear information on how not to get pregnant or catch an infection, and stress that you should have sex only when you’re absolutely ready. But the overarching message is that if you use protection, and you’re in a healthy relationship, sex can be something quite great.

和展覽一樣，這些書(至少我看的那些是這樣;總共有幾十本)就如何避免懷孕或感染給出了明確的信息，強(qiáng)調(diào)你應(yīng)該在百分之百準(zhǔn)備好了以后再開始性行為。但是它們透露的一個(gè)總的訊息是，如果你有保護(hù)措施，而且處在一種健康的關(guān)系中，性會(huì)是一件很美妙的事。

Apparently, the Dutch are at the forefront of sex education, and they have little trouble broaching the topic. Parents in the Netherlands have lots of casual age-appropriate talks about sex with their kids, over many years, beginning when children are small. Mandatory sex education begins in elementary school, and includes lessons on respecting people who are transgender, bisexual or gay.

荷蘭人顯然在性教育上走到了前面，他們討論起這個(gè)話題來毫無顧忌。荷蘭的父母會(huì)和他們的孩子閑聊起性話題，但內(nèi)容是和孩子的年齡相襯的，這種談話從孩子很小時(shí)就會(huì)開始，要持續(xù)很多年。強(qiáng)制性的性教育從小學(xué)就開始了，包括要尊重跨性別、雙性戀或同性戀人士的課程。

“If we start with sexuality education when children are teenagers, or even just before they start with any interest in sexuality, I think you are too late,” says Sanderijn van der Doef, a psychologist with the Dutch sexual-health group Rutgers WPF. “As soon as children have questions, they have the interest, and then they have the right to get a correct answer.”

“如果我們從孩子的少年時(shí)期開始性教育，甚至是在他們開始對(duì)性產(chǎn)生興趣之前，我覺得都太晚了，”荷蘭性健康組織路特赫斯世界人口基金會(huì) (Rutgers WPF)的心理學(xué)家森德瑞·范德杜夫(Sanderijn van der Doef)說。“從孩子開始問問題那一刻開始，他們就產(chǎn)生興趣了，然后他們就有權(quán)利得到一個(gè)正確的回答。”

Dr. Van der Doef says parents should give simple, clear responses. If the child has more questions, he’ll ask. Once he’s 3 or 4, “You can start to explain, in a very simple way, that Mommy has a little egg in her belly, Daddy has very small sperms in his body, and when the sperms meet the egg, a baby grows in the belly of the mother.” Three-year-olds rarely ask how the sperm and egg meet. If they do, “then you have a very smart child at that age, and that means that child needs to have an answer,” she adds.

范德杜夫說父母應(yīng)該給出簡(jiǎn)單、清晰的回應(yīng)。如果孩子接下來還有問題，他會(huì)問的。等到了3、4歲的時(shí)候，“你可以開始用非常簡(jiǎn)單的方式解釋，媽媽在肚子里有個(gè)小小的卵子，爸爸的身體里有一些小小的精子，等精子和卵子相遇后，一個(gè)寶寶就開始在媽媽肚子里生長(zhǎng)了。”三歲的孩子很少會(huì)問精子和卵子怎么相遇的。如果問了，“那你的孩子在這個(gè)年齡段屬于非常聰明的，意味著這孩子需要一個(gè)答案，”她接著說。

The sociologist Amy Schalet, author of “Not Under My Roof,” says Dutch parents “normalize” sex for adolescents, too. They typically allow 16- and 17-year-olds to have sleepovers at home, if they’re in a stable, loving relationship, are using contraception and are emotionally ready. By contrast, American parents tend to “dramatize” sex: highlighting its dangers, forbidding it at home and leading teenagers to have it in secret, Ms. Schalet writes.

《在我家，沒門》(Not Under My Roof)一書作者、社會(huì)學(xué)家艾米·沙萊特(Amy Schalet)說，荷蘭父母把青少年性行為也“正?；?rdquo;了。他們通常會(huì)允許16、17歲的孩子在家里過夜，前提是他們處在穩(wěn)定的戀愛關(guān)系中，并且使用避孕措施，感情上也準(zhǔn)備好了。沙萊特說，美國(guó)父母則截然不同，他們傾向于把性“戲劇化”：強(qiáng)調(diào)其危險(xiǎn)，禁止在家里進(jìn)行，讓青少年只能偷偷摸摸。

Both Americans and Europeans typically have intercourse for the first time around age 17. But here, parents are more inclined to accept that. A French friend told me that when she tried to enter her spare bedroom recently, it was locked from inside. After a minute, her 17-year-old popped his head out and said sheepishly, “We’re in here.”

美國(guó)人和歐洲人通常都是在17歲左右第一次性交。不過這里的父母對(duì)此較為容易接受。一位法國(guó)朋友告訴我，最近有一次她想進(jìn)客臥，發(fā)現(xiàn)門被反鎖著。一分鐘后，她的17歲兒子探出頭來，難為情地說，“我們?cè)诶锩妗?rdquo;

“It was so cute,” my friend told me. Crucially, her son was with his long-term girlfriend. And pregnancy probably wasn’t an issue: In France, birth-control pills are free to 15- to 18-year-olds, with a prescription, and minors can walk into any pharmacy and get the morning-after pill free. (The Dutch rules are similar.)

“好可愛啊，”我的朋友跟我說。關(guān)鍵是，她的兒子是和他的長(zhǎng)期女友在一起。懷孕大概也不會(huì)是個(gè)問題：在法國(guó)，15到18歲的人可以憑處方得到免費(fèi)避孕藥，未成年人可以走進(jìn)任何一家藥店，免費(fèi)拿到緊急避孕藥。(荷蘭也有類似的規(guī)定。)