為什么被理想學(xué)校拒錄并非世界末日？
But you need not worry, fellow dream school rejectees. Though the sting is still palpable, there are plenty of reasons why an initial rejection is not the end of the world.
1. These highly successful people got rejected too -- and look where they are today.
Meredith Vieira, Warren Buffett, John Kerry, Katie Couric, Steven Spielberg, Tom Brokaw and Columbia University's President Lee Bollinger all got rejected from their dream schools. But getting turned down may have been the very thing that sparked all their eventual successes. As Bollinger put it, no one should let rejections control his or her life. To "allow other people's assessment of you to determine your own self-assessment is a very big mistake," he said. "The question really is, who at the end of the day is going to make the determination about what your talents are, and what your interests are? That has to be you."
2. The sting will prepare you for facing an unstable post-college future.
A 2013 poll stated that more than 40 percent of college graduates were underemployed, and more than half of grads said getting a job was difficult. The market is still recovering, and there are twice as many college graduates working minimum wage jobs as five years ago. We know the rejection hurt, but you are so much better off having experienced it now so you are prepared for the turbulent future.
3. You may end up loving your fourth choice school more.
Students often put the emphasis on big-name schools versus the places that would fit them best. But often students who don't attend their first choice school are happiest throughout their time in college. As Shawn Abbott, the Assistant Vice President and Dean of Admissions at New York University, put it to high school students, "You will love your fourth choice school. I know that I did."
4. It forces you to step back and reevaluate the most important qualities you want in a school.
It's incredibly easy to put your dream school on a pedestal, which makes the rejection that much more difficult. Yet when you romanticize instead of rationalize, you may overlook some key factors about the school you wouldn't have liked if you attended it. For example, you may not have realized how key Greek life would be on campus, or you might have underestimated how tiny 4,000 students would feel after two years. Getting rejected from a school you have your heart set on forces you to really prioritize the aspects you value most in a college experience, regardless of the school name.
5. Going to a less prestigious school doesn't mean you'll have a less prestigious future.
According to a 2011 study by Alan Krueger of Princeton University and Stacy Dale of Mathematica Policy Research, students who were rejected by highly selective schools eventually raked in salaries nearly identical to those earned by the students who went to those schools. "Even if students don't get in, the fact that they are confident enough to apply indicates they are ambitious and hardworking, which are qualities that will help them regardless of where they go to school," Krueger said. These less measurable traits, aka "unobserved student ability," could be the key to your future success in the job market.
6. The odds were never in your favor, anyway.
It's very easy to take a rejection personally and to imagine that the admissions office had some vendetta against you and your application. It's not that simple. Universities like Stanford accepted only 5 percent of their applicants for the upcoming school year, a new low amongst the most prestigious schools. The number of applicants has increased dramatically the past few decades and a higher number of applications generally leads to the acceptance of a smaller percentage of the students who apply. Between the high number of applicants, budget cuts, in-state versus out-of state quotas and preferential treatment for alumni's children, the odds were literallyneverin your favor.
7. Your sadness means someone else's joy.
Somewhere in the world, a student less fortunate and more fit for the school got an acceptance letter for your spot, and they have you to thank. Former Globe columnist David Nyhan wrote a piece in 1987 that still rings very true today:
This is the important thing: They didn't reject you. They rejected your resume. They gave some other kid the benefit of the doubt. Maybe that kid deserved a break. Don't you deserve a break? Sure. You'll get one. Maybe this is the reality check you needed. Maybe the school that does take you will be good. Maybe this is the day you start to grow up.
Bad habits you can change; bad luck is nothing you can do anything about.
8. When it comes to getting a job, where you went to college probably won't make or break it.
Though you might imagine seeing "Harvard" on top of a resume would instantaneously impress an employer, there are other factors that matter significantly more. Newsweek published a survey in 2010 that showed in terms of hiring, employers ranked experience, confidence and even how you look above where a job applicant went to school. That means you should be focusing on internship and leadership experience, not the college sweatshirt you wear.
9. Rejection might be the very thing that motivates you to succeed.
J.K. Rowling was famously turned down 12 times before Bloomsbury agreed to publish the firstHarry Potterbook. Just a few years later, she became the first billionaire author. What happened when Steve Jobs got fired from Apple? He made an unexpected comeback that's still spoken of today. Jobs attributed his eventual success to his initial failure in his 2005 commencement speech at Stanford University:
I didn't see it then, but it turned out that getting fired from Apple was the best thing that could have ever happened to me. The heaviness of being successful was replaced by the lightness of being a beginner again, less sure about everything. It freed me to enter into one of the most creative periods of my life ... Sometimes life hits you in the head with a brick. Don't lose faith. I'm convinced the only thing that kept me going was that I loved what I did. You've got to find what you love.
每個(gè)人都有收到傳統(tǒng)薄信件的經(jīng)歷，簡(jiǎn)直就是噩夢(mèng)。害怕收到拒錄信，不論是在校時(shí)期，大學(xué)就像是你人生雷達(dá)上的一個(gè)小點(diǎn)，還是到了與孩子一起等待來(lái)自理想學(xué)校的錄取通知書。但不論你怎么解讀，大學(xué)拒錄信絕不有趣。
但那些與理想學(xué)校失之交臂的學(xué)生，也不必?fù)?dān)心。盡管非常難受，但是一封拒錄信并不會(huì)是你的世界末日，因?yàn)椋?/p>
1. 那些非常成功人士也曾被拒——再看看現(xiàn)在他們的成就
梅雷迪斯•維埃拉(Meredith Vieira)、沃倫·巴菲特(Warren Buffett)、約翰·克里(John Kerry)、凱蒂·庫(kù)里克(Katie Couric)、斯蒂芬·斯皮爾伯格(Steven Spielberg)、湯姆·布羅考(Tom Brokaw)以及哥倫比亞大學(xué)校長(zhǎng)伯林格(Lee Bollinger)，他們?nèi)荚桓髯缘睦硐雽W(xué)校拒錄過。但也許正是這樣的經(jīng)歷，激發(fā)了他們?nèi)蘸蟮某晒?。正如伯林格所說(shuō)的那樣，不應(yīng)讓拒絕主宰人們的生 活。“如果你讓他人對(duì)你的評(píng)價(jià)決定自我評(píng)價(jià)，那么你就犯了極大的錯(cuò)誤，”他說(shuō)。“問題的根本就在于，是誰(shuí)最終肯定你的才華，確定你的興趣所在呢?那個(gè)人必 須是你自己。”
2. 被拒的傷痛將有助于你更好地面對(duì)畢業(yè)后多變的生活
據(jù)2013年的一項(xiàng)民意調(diào)查顯示，超過40%的大學(xué)畢業(yè)生未充分就業(yè)，且超過半數(shù)的畢業(yè)生找工作不容易。市場(chǎng)仍然在恢復(fù)，大學(xué)畢業(yè)生從事最低工資工作的人數(shù)較五年前增加了一倍。我們知道被拒絕是不好受的，但是現(xiàn)在的經(jīng)歷會(huì)使你變得更加優(yōu)秀，從而為難以掌控的未來(lái)做準(zhǔn)備。
3. 最后，你可能會(huì)更愛你的第四志愿
學(xué)生通常更看中名牌學(xué)校，而不是學(xué)校是否最適合自己。但通常來(lái)說(shuō)，沒有進(jìn)入第一志愿的學(xué)生往往在大學(xué)生活中過得最幸福。正如紐約大學(xué)助理副校長(zhǎng)及招生主任肖恩·阿伯特(Shawn Abbott)對(duì)高中生說(shuō)的那樣，“你會(huì)愛上第四志愿。至少我知道自己確實(shí)喜歡。”
4. 給你機(jī)會(huì)退一步，重新評(píng)估學(xué)校的哪一方面對(duì)你來(lái)說(shuō)最重要
大家往往過分憧憬自己理想的學(xué)校，這使得 被拒絕更加痛苦。但是，當(dāng)感性沖昏理性的時(shí)候，你也許會(huì)忽略一些你進(jìn)入了這個(gè)學(xué)校之后，有哪些因素會(huì)使你不喜歡這個(gè)學(xué)校。舉個(gè)例子，也許你還沒意識(shí)到社團(tuán) 生活，在校園生活中是多么重要的，或者你也許會(huì)低估兩年后4000名學(xué)生感覺自己多微小?被學(xué)校拒絕，會(huì)使你認(rèn)認(rèn)真真地把大學(xué)生活中的方方面面，按重視程 度排列出來(lái)，而不是只注重學(xué)校的名氣。
5. 上普通院校并不代表你的未來(lái)一定會(huì)平庸
據(jù)2011年一項(xiàng)由普林斯頓大學(xué)的阿蘭· 克魯格(Alan Krueger)以及數(shù)學(xué)政策研究公司的史黛西·戴爾(Stacy Dale)進(jìn)行的調(diào)查顯示，被高要求的那些學(xué)校拒絕的學(xué)生與進(jìn)入該學(xué)校學(xué)習(xí)的學(xué)生，在工資收入方面，基本處在同一水平。“即使學(xué)生沒被錄取，但是他們有足 夠的信心去申請(qǐng)也表明了他們充滿抱負(fù)，勤奮努力，就是這些特質(zhì)有助于他們?cè)诖髮W(xué)成長(zhǎng)，不論進(jìn)的是哪所院校。”克魯格說(shuō)。這些難以量化的特質(zhì)，又稱“學(xué)生的 內(nèi)才”，終將在未來(lái)的就業(yè)市場(chǎng)中決定你的成敗。
6. 其實(shí)，成功幾率本來(lái)就不大
大家往往認(rèn)為拒絕只針對(duì)自己，覺得招生辦 公室和你有深仇大恨，拒絕你的申請(qǐng)。事情遠(yuǎn)不止這樣簡(jiǎn)單。像斯坦福這樣的大學(xué)每學(xué)年就只錄取5%的申請(qǐng)者，這一比例在各大著名學(xué)府中創(chuàng)歷史新低。在過去幾 年，申請(qǐng)者數(shù)量急劇上漲，通常來(lái)說(shuō)，基數(shù)大，錄取率就低。大量申請(qǐng)、縮減預(yù)算、國(guó)內(nèi)外學(xué)生名額配比、校友子女的特殊照顧，綜合種種原因，你成功的幾率本就 不大。
7. 你悲傷，別人快樂
世界的某個(gè)角落有個(gè)學(xué)生，沒那么幸運(yùn)，卻更適合這個(gè)學(xué)校，占了你的名額，獲得錄取。他們也得感謝你的幫助。前波士頓環(huán)球報(bào)作家大衛(wèi)·尼漢(David Nyhan)1987年寫了一篇文章，至今聽起來(lái)都很有道理：
有件事很重要，那就是：他們并沒有拒絕你，而是拒絕了你的簡(jiǎn)歷。他們其實(shí)也并不了解其他孩子。也許你應(yīng)該休息下。你應(yīng)該休息嗎?當(dāng)然。你會(huì)有機(jī)會(huì)的。也許這就是你需要明白的現(xiàn)實(shí)情況。學(xué)校錄取你，固然好。沒有錄取，你就要開始成長(zhǎng)。
壞習(xí)慣可以改;壞運(yùn)氣你躲也躲不掉。
8. 找工作時(shí)，畢業(yè)于哪所學(xué)校其實(shí)并沒有多大影響
盡管你會(huì)想象這么一幕：在簡(jiǎn)歷上方看到 “哈佛”，用人單位會(huì)立馬感興趣，其實(shí)還有其他更重要的因素。2010年《新聞周刊》公布的一項(xiàng)調(diào)查顯示，就招聘而言，用人單位更看重工作經(jīng)驗(yàn)、自信心、 甚至你的心態(tài)等等。這意味著你應(yīng)該更注重實(shí)習(xí)經(jīng)歷及領(lǐng)導(dǎo)能力的培養(yǎng)，而不是你身穿哪所學(xué)校的校服。
9. 拒絕可能會(huì)讓你奮發(fā)圖強(qiáng)，取得成功
眾人皆知，J.K.羅琳在布魯姆斯伯里 (Bloomsbury)出版社最終同意出版哈利波特1之前，被拒絕了12次之多。但僅僅幾年后，她就成為了第一位身價(jià)億萬(wàn)的作家。至于斯蒂芬·喬布斯( Steve Jobs )被蘋果解雇后，他做了什么?他出奇不意地發(fā)起反擊，至今仍被傳道。在2005年斯坦福大學(xué)畢業(yè)典禮上，喬布斯表示自己最終的成功得益于早年的失敗。
“當(dāng)時(shí)，我沒有察覺，但事后證明：被蘋果 解雇是曾發(fā)生在我身上最好的一件事。成功的沉重被從頭來(lái)過的輕松所取代，任何事情都不那么確定。那時(shí)的我享受自由，進(jìn)入了生命中最有創(chuàng)造力的階段。有些時(shí) 候，生活會(huì)拿起一塊石頭往你腦袋猛砸一下。但千萬(wàn)不要失去信心。我深信，唯一支持我走下去的是我熱愛我所做的事情。你們也必須找到自己所喜歡的東西。”
