Oh, what a night, Wilhelm! I can henceforth bear anything. I shall never see her again. Oh, why cannot I fall on your neck, and, with floods of tears and raptures, give utterance to all the passions which distract my heart! Here I sit gasping for breath, and struggling to compose myself. I wait for day, and at sunrise the horses are to be at the door.
And she is sleeping calmly, little suspecting that she has seen me for the last time. I am free. I have had the courage, in an interview of two hours’ duration, not to betray my intention. And O Wilhelm, what a conversation it was!
Albert had promised to come to Lotte in the garden immediately after supper. I was upon the terrace under the tall chestnut trees, and watched the setting sun. I saw him sink for the last time beneath this delightful valley and silent stream. I had often visited the same spot with Lotte, and witnessed that glorious sight; and now—I was walking up and down the very avenue which was so dear to me. A secret sympathy had frequently drawn me thither before I knew Lotte; and we were delighted when, in our early acquaintance, we discovered that we each loved the same spot, which is indeed as romantic as any that ever captivated the fancy of an artist.
From beneath the chestnut trees, there is an extensive view. But I remember that I have mentioned all this in a former letter, and have described the tall mass of beech trees at the end, and how the avenue grows darker and darker as it winds its way among them, till it ends in a gloomy recess, which has all the charm of a mysterious solitude. I still remember the strange feeling of melancholy which came over me the first time I entered that dark retreat, at bright midday. I felt some secret foreboding that it would, one day, be to me the scene of some happiness or misery.
I had spent half an hour struggling between the contending thoughts of going and returning, when I heard them coming up the terrace. I ran to meet them. I trembled as I took her hand, and kissed it. As we reached the top of the terrace, the moon rose from behind the wooded hill. We conversed on many subjects, and, without perceiving it, approached the gloomy recess. Lotte entered, and sat down. Albert seated himself beside her. I did the same, but my agitation did not suffer me to remain long seated. I got up, and stood before her, then walked backward and forward, and sat down again. I was restless and miserable. Lotte drew our attention to the beautiful effect of the moonlight, which threw a silver hue over the terrace in front of us, beyond the beech trees. It was a glorious sight, and was rendered more striking by the darkness which surrounded the spot where we were. We remained for some time silent, when Lotte observed, “Whenever I walk by moonlight, it brings to my remembrance all my beloved and departed friends, and I am filled with thoughts of death and futurity. We shall live again, Werther!” she continued, with a firm but feeling voice; “but shall we know one another again what do you think? what do you say?”
“Lotte,” I said, as I took her hand in mine, and my eyes filled with tears, “we shall see each other again—here and hereafter we shall meet again.” I could say no more. Why, Wilhelm, should she put this question to me, just at the moment when the fear of our cruel separation filled my heart?
“And oh! do those departed ones know how we are employed here? do they know when we are well and happy? do they know when we recall their memories with the fondest love? In the silent hour of evening the shade of my mother hovers around me; when seated in the midst of my children, I see them assembled near me, as they used to assemble near her; and then I raise my anxious eyes to heaven, and wish she could look down upon us, and witness how I fulfil the promise I made to her in her last moments, to be a mother to her children. With what emotion do I then exclaim, ‘Pardon, dearest of mothers, pardon me, if I do not adequately supply your place! Alas! I do my utmost. They are clothed and fed; and, still better, they are loved and educated. Could you but see, sweet saint! the peace and harmony that dwells amongst us, you would glorify God with the warmest feelings of gratitude, to whom, in your last hour, you addressed such fervent prayers for our happiness.’” Thus did she express herself; but O Wilhelm! who can do justice to her language? how can cold and passionless words convey the heavenly expressions of the spirit? Albert interrupted her gently. “This affects you too deeply, my dear Lotte. I know your soul dwells on such recollections with intense delight; but I implore—” “O Albert!” she continued, “I am sure you do not forget the evenings when we three used to sit at the little round table, when papa was absent, and the little ones had retired. You often had a good book with you, but seldom read it; the conversation of that noble being was preferable to everything,—that beautiful, bright, gentle, and yet ever-toiling woman. God alone knows how I have supplicated with tears on my nightly couch, that I might be like her.”
I threw myself at her feet, and, seizing her hand, bedewed it with a thousand tears. “Lotte!” I exclaimed, “God’s blessing and your mother’s spirit are upon you.” “Oh! that you had known her,” she said, with a warm pressure of the hand. “She was worthy of being known to you.” I thought I should have fainted: never had I received praise so flattering. She continued, “And yet she was doomed to die in the flower of her youth, when her youngest child was scarcely six months old. Her illness was but short, but she was calm and resigned; and it was only for her children, especially the youngest, that she felt unhappy. When her end drew nigh, she bade me bring them to her. I obeyed. The younger ones knew nothing of their approaching loss, while the elder ones were quite overcome with grief. They stood around the bed; and she raised her feeble hands to heaven, and prayed over them; then, kissing them in turn, she dismissed them, and said to me, ‘Be you a mother to them.’ I gave her my hand. ‘You are promising much, my child,’ she said: ‘a(chǎn) mother’s fondness and a mother’s care! I have often witnessed, by your tears of gratitude, that you know what is a mother’s tenderness: show it to your brothers and sisters, and be dutiful and faithful to your father as a wife; you will be his comfort.’ She inquired for him. He had retired to conceal his intolerable anguish,—he was heartbroken, “Albert, you were in the room. She heard some one moving: she inquired who it was, and desired you to approach. She surveyed us both with a look of composure and satisfaction, expressive of her conviction that we should be happy,—happy with one another.” Albert fell upon her neck, and kissed her, and exclaimed, “We are so, and we shall be so!” Even Albert, generally so tranquil, had quite lost his composure; and I was excited beyond expression.
“And such a being,” She continued, “was to leave us, Werther! Great God, must we thus part with everything we hold dear in this world? Nobody felt this more acutely than the children: they cried and lamented for a long time afterward, complaining that men had carried away their dear mamma.”
Lotte rose. It aroused me; but I continued sitting, and held her hand. “Let us go,” she said: “it grows late.” She attempted to withdraw her hand: I held it still. “We shall see each other again,” I exclaimed: “we shall recognise each other under every possible change! I am going,” I continued, “going willingly; but, should I say for ever, perhaps I may not keep my word. Adieu, Lotte; adieu, Albert. We shall meet again.” “Yes: tomorrow, I think,” she answered with a smile. Tomorrow! how I felt the word! Ah! she little thought, when she drew her hand away from mine. They walked down the avenue. I stood gazing after them in the moonlight. I threw myself upon the ground, and wept: I then sprang up, and ran out upon the terrace, and saw, under the shade of the linden-trees, her white dress disappearing near the garden-gate. I stretched out my arms, and she vanished.
那是怎樣一個夜晚喲,威廉!現(xiàn)在我一切都可以克服了。我不會再見到她!此刻,我恨不得撲到你懷里,痛痛快快地哭一場,向你傾吐我激動的情懷,我的好友!我坐在這兒,為使自己平靜下來而一口一口地吸著長氣,同時期待著黎明快快來到;太陽一出,我的馬匹就備好了。
唉,她會睡得很安穩(wěn),不會想到再也見不著我了。我終于堅強(qiáng)起來,離開了她,在兩個小時的交談中絲毫不曾泄露自己走的打算。上帝呵,那是怎樣一次談話?。?/p>
阿爾伯特答應(yīng)我,一吃完晚飯就和綠蒂一起到花園里來。我站在高高的栗子樹下的土坡上,最后一次目送著夕陽西下,沉落到幽靜的山谷和平緩的河流背后去。我曾多少次和她一起站在這兒,欣賞著同一幕壯麗景色呵;然而現(xiàn)在……
我在那條十分熟悉的林蔭道上來回踱著;早在認(rèn)識綠蒂以前,這條路便對我產(chǎn)生了某種神秘的吸引力,使我經(jīng)常在此駐足;后來,在我倆認(rèn)識之初,我們便發(fā)現(xiàn)彼此對這個地方都有著相同的愛好,當(dāng)時的欣喜之情簡直難以言說。這條林蔭道,的確是我見過的一件最富浪漫情調(diào)的藝術(shù)杰作。
你一直要走到栗子樹間,眼前才會豁然開朗?!?,我想起了,我已經(jīng)對你描寫過許多次,告訴你那些高聳的山毛櫸樹怎樣像墻一般把人圍在中間,那林蔭道怎樣被兩旁的小叢林遮擋著,顯得越發(fā)幽暗,直到最后成為一個與世隔絕的小天地,寂靜凄清,令人悚然。我還清楚記得第一次在正午走進(jìn)去時的奇異心境;我當(dāng)時隱隱約約預(yù)感到,這將是一個既讓人嘗到許多幸福,又讓人體驗無數(shù)痛苦的所在。
我懷著令人銷魂的離情別緒,在那兒沉思了約莫半個小時,便聽見他們從土坡下走來了。我跑上前去,在拉住她的手時不由一怔,但還是吻了吻。我們再登上土坡時,月亮也剛好從樹影森森的山崗后面升了起來。我們談著各種各樣的事情,不覺已走到黑魆魆的涼亭前面。綠蒂跨進(jìn)去坐下來,阿爾伯特坐在她身邊,我也一樣。然而,內(nèi)心的不安叫我沒法久坐。便站起身,走到她跟前,在那兒踱了一會兒,最后又重新坐下,那情形可真令人難受啊。這當(dāng)兒,她讓我們注意到美麗的月光,只見在我們面前的山毛櫸樹墻的盡頭,整個土坡都被照得雪亮,加之是被包圍在一片深邃的幽靜中,那景象就更加鮮明悅目。我們?nèi)汲聊瑹o語,過了好一陣她才又開口道:
“每當(dāng)在月光下散步,我總不免想起自己已故的親人,對死和未來的恐懼就一定會來襲擾我。我們都一定會死??!”她聲音激動地繼續(xù)說,“可是維特,你說我們死后還會不會再見呢?見著了還能相互認(rèn)識么?你的預(yù)感怎么樣?你能說些什么?”
“綠蒂,”我說,同時把手伸給她,眼里噙滿了淚水,“我們會再見的!在這兒和那兒都會再見!”
我講不下去了。在我滿懷離愁的時刻,威廉,難道她非這么問不可么!
“我們已故的親人,”她繼續(xù)問,“他們是否還記得我們呢?他們能不能感覺到,我們在幸福的時刻,總是懷著熱愛想念他們呢?常常,在靜靜的夜晚,我坐在弟妹中間,像當(dāng)年母親坐在她的孩子們中間一樣,孩子們圍著我,像當(dāng)年圍著他們的母親一樣,這時候,我面前每每就會浮現(xiàn)出我母親的形象。我呢,眼含渴慕的熱淚,仰望空中,希望她能哪怕只看我一眼,看看我是如何信守在她臨終時對她許下的諾言,代替她做孩子們的母親的。我激動得幾乎喊出聲來:‘原諒我吧,親愛的媽媽,要是我沒能像您那樣無微不至地關(guān)懷他們。唉,我已經(jīng)做了能做的一切,照顧他們穿衣,照顧他們的飲食,更重要的,還保護(hù)他們,愛他們。親愛的神圣的媽媽呀,你要能見到我們多么和睦就好了!你將懷著最熱烈的感激之情贊美上帝,贊美你曾以臨終的痛苦淚水,祈求他保佑你的孩子們的主……”
她這么講啊講啊,威廉!誰能夠把她講的都復(fù)述出來呢?這冷漠的、死的文字,怎能表達(dá)那靈智的精髓呵!
阿爾伯特溫柔地打斷她:
“你太激動了,親愛的綠蒂!我知道,你心里老惦著這件事,不過我求你……”
“呵,阿爾伯特,”她說,“我知道你不會忘記那些個晚上,當(dāng)時爸爸出門去了,孩子們已被打發(fā)上了床,我倆一塊兒坐在那張小小的圓桌旁邊,你手頭常常捏著一本書,但卻很難得讀一讀;要知道在這個世界上,有什么比和這個美麗的靈魂進(jìn)行交流更重要呢?她是位秀麗、溫柔、快活而不知疲倦的婦女。上帝知道,我多么經(jīng)常流著熱淚跪在自己床上,乞求他讓我變成像她一樣!”
“綠蒂!”我叫著,同時撲倒在她跟前,抓住她的手,眼淚簌簌滴到了她的手上,“綠蒂呵,上帝時刻保佑著你,還有你母親在天之靈也保佑著你!”
“唉,你要是認(rèn)識她就好了,”綠蒂緊握著我的手,說,“她值得你認(rèn)識哪!”——聽到這話,我自覺飄飄然起來;在此之前,我還從未受過更崇高,更可引以自豪的稱贊哩?!^續(xù)說:“可這樣一位婦女,卻不得不正當(dāng)盛年就離開人世。那時候,她最小的兒子才六個月??!她沒有病多久,死的時候平靜而安詳,只有她的孩子們令她心疼,特別是最小的兒子。彌留之際,她對我講:‘把他們給我領(lǐng)來吧?!揖桶押⒆觽冾I(lǐng)進(jìn)房去,小的幾個還懵懵懂懂,大的幾個也不知所措,全圍著病榻站著。她舉起手來為他們祝福,挨個兒吻了他們,然后便打發(fā)他們出去,一邊卻對我講:‘你要做他們的母親呵!’——我向她起了誓——‘你答應(yīng)了像母親似的關(guān)心他們,照料他們,這個擔(dān)子可不輕呀,我的女兒!我自己經(jīng)常從你感激的淚水看出,你已體會到做個母親多么不易。對于你的弟妹,你要有母親的慈愛;對于你的父親,你要有妻子似的忠實與柔順,并且成為他的安慰。她問父親在哪兒。父親為了不讓我們看見他難以忍受的悲痛,已一個人出去;這男子漢也是肝腸寸斷了啊。
“阿爾伯特,你當(dāng)時也在房中。她見有人走動,便問是誰,并要求你走過去。她凝視著你和我,目光安詳,流露出感到欣慰的神氣,因為她知道我倆將在一起,幸福地在一起?!?/p>
阿爾伯特一把摟住綠蒂的脖子,吻她,吻了又嚷:
“我們現(xiàn)在是幸福的!將來也會幸福!”
冷靜的阿爾伯特一時間竟失去了自制,我更完全忘乎所以。
“維特呵,”她又繼續(xù)講,“上帝卻讓這樣一位夫人離開了人世!我有時想,當(dāng)我們眼看自己生命中最親愛的人被奪走時,沒有誰的感受比孩子們更痛切的了。后來,我的弟妹很久很久還在對人訴說,是一些穿黑衣的男人把媽媽給抬走啦!”
她站起身來,我才恍如大夢初醒,同時深為震驚,因此仍呆坐在那兒,握著她的手。
“咱們走吧,”她說,“時候不早了?!彼肟s回手去,我卻握得更緊。
“我們會再見的,”我叫道,“我們會再相聚,不論將來變成什么樣子,都能彼此認(rèn)出來的。我要走了,心甘情愿地走了,”我繼續(xù)說,“可要我說永遠(yuǎn)離開你們,我卻無此毅力。保重吧,綠蒂!保重吧,阿爾伯特!我們會再見的!”
“我想就在明天吧?!彼_玩笑說。
天哪!這個“明天”多夠我受!可她在抽回手去時,還壓根兒不知道哩……
他倆走出了林蔭道;我仍呆呆立著,目送著他們在月光下的背影,隨后卻撲倒在地上,痛哭失聲,一會兒又一躍而起,奔上土坡,從那兒,還看見她的白色衣裙,在高高的菩提樹下的陰影里閃動,可等我再伸出手去時,她的倩影已消失在園門中。
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