書蟲1級《都是管家惹的禍》照章辦事
- 英文
- 重點詞匯
- 中文
Rules are Rules
INTRODUCTION
A man wants to keep an animal in his house. It isn't a cat or a dog, but a monkey. He needs a licence for the monkey, so he goes to the office which gives out licences. But people who work in offices like having rules, and rules cannot be broken. So getting a licence is more difficult than the man thought.
CHARACTERS IN THE PLAY
Woman who works in the office
Man with a monkey
PERFORMANCE NOTES
The scene is an office. There is a sign that says ROOM 365 on the wall. There are three chairs near the door, and a table and two chairs in the middle of the room. There is a telephone on the table. A woman is sitting writing at the table. A man is waiting at the open door. He is carrying a monkey.
You will need a telephone, two numbered tickets, some photos, a sign saying ROOM 563, a sign saying ROOM 365, and a monkey.
WOMAN
(Not looking up) Come in.
MAN
(Coming in) Good morning.
The woman is writing. She doesn't answer.
MAN
Hello – er – Excuse me.
WOMAN
(Looking up angrily) Have you got a number?
MAN
Sorry?
WOMAN
You can get a ticket with a number outside the door. Before you come in. Have you got a number?
MAN
(Looking round) But there's no one here. Only me! So I don't need a number, do I?
WOMAN
That doesn't matter. Everybody must have a number.(She begins writing again.)
MAN
Oh, I see. All right. (He goes out.)
WOMAN
(Without looking up) Number 68. (She waits a minute.) Number 69. (She waits.) Number 70.
The man comes back with his ticket.
MAN
I've got my number now.
WOMAN
(Looking up angrily) Can you wait over there please! Sit on one of those chairs near the door!
MAN
But—
WOMAN
I have work to do, I'm afraid. Please wait.
The man goes to sit near the door. The woman makes a phone call.
WOMAN
Hello, Tom. It's Pam. I'm calling from work. You're having dinner at my house today, remember? Wonderful! Goodbye, darling!
She calls out numbers, without looking up, and waits for a minute between the numbers.
WOMAN
Number 71. Number 72. Number 73. (Looking at the man) What number have you got?
MAN
89
WOMAN
Oh, you're going to wait a long time, then.
MAN
But why? There's no one here! Why must I wait?
WOMAN
Rules are rules, sir. (Calling out numbers again) Number 74. Number 75. Number 76.
MAN
Wait a minute!
WOMAN
You must wait for your number, sir.
MAN
But you called my number! Just now!
WOMAN
No, I called 76 and your number's 89.
MAN
No, no, it isn't. I was wrong. Look! It isn't 89, it's 68! (He turns his ticket the other way up.)
WOMAN
But I'm on 76 now. Why didn't you answer when I called your number?
MAN
I'm sorry. I didn't know. But I'm here now, and I need to see you. It's important!
WOMAN
Well, the rules say – oh, all right then.
The man sits down at the table, in front of the woman.
WOMAN
Now how can I help you?
MAN
Is this Room 365?
WOMAN
Yes, it is.
MAN
Good. Well, I'm here because of my monkey.
WOMAN
Ah. Have you got a licence for it?
Wonderful! Goodbye, darling!'
MAN
No, that's why I'm here.
WOMAN
Has the monkey got a number?
MAN
Sorry?
WOMAN
Did you get a ticket with a number for the monkey, when you came in?
MAN
No, I didn't.
WOMAN
There are two of you, so I need two numbers.
MAN
Just a minute. (He runs off and comes back with a ticket for the monkey.) Here you are, then.
WOMAN
Good. Now can you give me your PM624, please?
MAN
Sorry, what's that?
WOMAN
A PM624? You write down the answers to a lot of questions about yourself and your monkey, on the PM624. It's very important.
MAN
Well, can you give me one, please?
WOMAN
No, I'm sorry, I can't.
MAN
Well, where can I get one, then?
WOMAN
Wait a moment, I must make a phone call.(Telephoning) Hello, Tom, it's Pam again. No, I'm at work. Can you bring a bottle with you when you come? All right. Goodbye, darling! (To the man) Right, now where were we?
MAN
A PM624?
WOMAN
Ah, yes. Well, have you got eight photos?
MAN
Eight photos?
WOMAN
Yes, four of you and four of the monkey.
MAN
Yes, I have. (He gives her some photos.)
WOMAN
Good. (Looking at the photos carefully) Wait a minute. These are very bad photos of you.
MAN
(Looking at the photos, then laughing) No, no! Those are the photos of the monkey! The other ones are the photos of me!
WOMAN
Ah, yes. Excuse me, I must make a quick phone call.(Telephoning) Hello, Tom. Pam here again. No, at the office. Shall we go to the cinema tonight? OK, I can get the tickets when I leave work. Goodbye, darling!(To the man) Right, now where were we?
MAN
I'm waiting for a PM624.
WOMAN
Ah, I see.
MAN
Well, can I have one?
WOMAN
Let me see, what day is it today?
MAN
Tuesday. Why?
WOMAN
Well, on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays you get PM624s from this office, but on Tuesdays and Thursdays you get them from Room 563.
MAN
Room 563! Where's that?
WOMAN
Oh, it's easy to find. Go out of the door. (The man goes out.) Go upstairs.
MAN
(Calling from offstage) OK! What next?
WOMAN
(Taking down sign saying ROOM 365) Go left, left and left again.
MAN
(Calling from offstage) Right!
WOMAN
Not right! Left, left and left again! Now come downstairs and it's the office on your right. (She puts up a sign saying ROOM 563 on the wall.)
MAN
(Coming in) Hello. Oh, it's you.
WOMAN
Hello, this is Room 563. Can I help you?
MAN
But I was in this room just now. It's Room 365.
WOMAN
No, it's Room 563. Look, it says ROOM 563 on the wall. Can I help you?
MAN
I'd like a PM624, please.
WOMAN
Good, good. Do sit down.
MAN
(Sitting down) But I don't understand!
WOMAN
Well, you see, I'm doing the work of two people. I work in Room 365 and Room 563. So I put the two rooms together. It's easier for me.
MAN
Oh, I see. Well, can I have a PM624, please?
WOMAN
Excuse me a minute. (Telephoning) Hello, Tom, Pam again. Yes, I'm going to be home soon. OK. See you soon. Goodbye, darling!
MAN
Can I have my PM624 now, please?
WOMAN
Let me see. It's for this monkey, is it?
MAN
Yes, that's right.
WOMAN
Is it a working monkey?
MAN
It doesn't do any work, no. It lives in my house.
WOMAN
That's OK then, because for a working monkey the PM624 is no good at all.
MAN
(Angrily) Now look, are you going to give me that PM624 or not? I arrived here half an hour ago. First you told me to get a ticket, no, two tickets.
WOMAN
Everybody needs a ticket. That's the rule.
MAN
(More angrily) Then you asked for eight photos. Then you told me to leave the room and come back again.
WOMAN
To a different room. Room 563.
MAN
Now you're asking, is it a working monkey? And all the time you phone your friend Tom and talk about dinner and the cinema and...
He begins to cry.
WOMAN
I don't make the rules. I only work here, you know.
MAN
(Feeling better) Yes, I know. I'm sorry. Can I have the PM624 now, please?
WOMAN
Wait a minute. What's the time?
MAN
(Looking at his watch) One minute past five. Why?
WOMAN
Oh dear! This office closes at five. Can you come back tomorrow?
MAN
Aaaaargh! (He runs off, crying.)
Can I have the PM624 now, please?'
licence n. a piece of paper showing that you are allowed to do something 許可證
upstairs adv. towards a higher floor in a building, using the stairs 往樓上
照章辦事
內容簡介
一個男人想在家里養(yǎng)只動物。不是貓，也不是狗，而是一只猴子。他需要為猴子辦理一張許可證，于是來到了辦證的辦公室。但是在辦公室工作的人都喜歡條條框框的規(guī)章，而且堅持照章辦事。于是，辦理一張許可證可比這個男人想的要難得多。
劇中人物
女辦事員
帶著一只猴子的男人
場景說明
場景是一間辦公室。墻上有個牌子寫著“365室”。門邊有三把椅子，房間中央有一張桌子和兩把椅子。桌上有一部電話。一個女人正坐在桌旁寫東西。一個男人在敞開的門旁等候，他抱著一只猴子。
要準備一部電話，兩張?zhí)柎a條，幾張照片，一個寫著“563室”的牌子，一個寫著“365室”的牌子和一只猴子。
女人：
（沒有抬頭）進來。
男人：
（走進來）早上好。
女人正在寫東西，沒有答話。
男人：
你好——呃——抱歉打擾一下。
女人：
（生氣地抬起頭）你有號嗎？
男人：
什么號？
女人：
你進來之前，可以在門外取一個號。你有號嗎？
男人：
（四下看看）可是這兒沒人啊。只有我！所以我用不著取號，不是嗎？
女人：
那不重要，任何人都得取號。（她又埋頭寫起來。）
男人：
哦，我明白了。好吧。（他走了出去。）
女人：
（沒有抬頭）68號。（她等了一會兒。）69號。（她等了等。）70號。
男人拿著他的號碼回來了。
男人：
我現(xiàn)在有號了。
女人：
（生氣地抬起頭）請你到那邊等著！在門邊找個椅子坐下！
男人：
可是——
女人：
對不起，我有工作要做。請等一下。
男人到門邊坐下。女人打了個電話。
女人：
喂，湯姆。我是帕姆。我在辦公室給你打電話。你今天要來我家吃飯，記得嗎？好極了！再見，親愛的！
她埋頭叫了幾個號碼，每叫一個號碼停頓一會兒。
女人：
71號。72號。73號。（看向男人）你取的是幾號？
男人：
89。
女人：
哦，那你還得等很久。
男人：
可是為什么？這里根本沒有人！我為什么還得等？
女人：
要照章辦事，先生。（又開始叫號）74號。75號。76號。
男人：
等等！
女人：
你得等我叫到你的號，先生。
男人：
但是你已經(jīng)叫過我的號了！就在剛才！
女人：
不對，我叫的是76號，你是89號。
男人：
不，不是。我看錯了。看！這不是89，是68?。ㄋ烟柎a條倒了過來。）
女人：
可是我現(xiàn)在叫到76號了。我叫到你的號時，你怎么不答應？
男人：
對不起，我不知道。不過我現(xiàn)在就在這兒，我需要見你，這件事很重要！
女人：
呃，規(guī)定上說——哦，那好吧。
男人走到桌旁，坐在女人對面。
女人：
好了，您有什么事情？
男人：
這是365室吧？
女人：
是的。
男人：
好。嗯，我來是為了我的猴子。
女人：
啊，你給它辦理許可證了嗎？
男人：
沒有，所以我才來這兒。
女人：
猴子有號嗎？
男人：
什么？
女人：
你進來的時候給猴子取號了嗎？
男人：
沒有。
女人：
你們有兩位，所以我需要兩個號。
男人：
稍等。（他跑出去給猴子取了一個號返回。）給你。
女人：
好的?，F(xiàn)在請把你的PM624給我。
男人：
抱歉，那是什么？
女人：
PM624嗎？你要在PM624表格上回答很多關于你自己和你的猴子的問題，這個很重要。
男人：
好吧，那你能給我一張表格嗎？
女人：
不行，抱歉我給不了。
男人：
好吧，那我到哪兒能弄一張？
女人：
稍等，我得打個電話。（打電話）喂，湯姆，又是我，帕姆。不是，我在上班。你來的時候能帶瓶酒嗎？好的，再見，親愛的！（對男人）好了，我們說到哪兒了？
男人：
PM624表格？
女人：
啊，對。好的，你帶了八張照片來嗎？
男人：
八張照片？
女人：
對，四張你的，四張猴子的。
男人：
我?guī)Я?。（他遞給女辦事員幾張照片。）
女人：
好。（仔細地看照片）等一下。你的這幾張照片拍得很糟糕。
男人：
（看了看照片，笑起來）不是，不是！那幾張照片是猴子的！另外幾張才是我的！
女人：
啊，對。不好意思，我得打個電話，很快就好。（打電話）喂，湯姆，還是我，帕姆。不是，在辦公室。我們今晚要不要去看電影？好的，我下班后去買票。再見，親愛的！（對男人）好了，我們說到哪兒了？
男人：
我在等著要一張PM624表格。
女人：
啊，我知道了。
男人：
那么，能給我一張嗎？
女人：
讓我看看，今天星期幾？
男人：
星期二。為什么問這個？
女人：
嗯，星期一、星期三和星期五，你可以從這個辦公室領PM624表格，但是星期二和星期四，你要從563室領表格。
男人：
563室！那個房間在哪兒？
女人：
哦，很容易找。從這個門出去。（男人走了出去。）上樓。
男人：
（聲音從臺下傳來）好的！然后呢？
女人：
（把寫著“365室”的牌子摘下來）左轉，左轉，再左轉。
男人：
（聲音從臺下傳來）好的！
女人：
不是右轉！左轉，左轉，再左轉！現(xiàn)在下樓，就是你右手邊的辦公室。（她把寫著“563室”的牌子掛到墻上。）
男人：
（走進來）你好。哦，是你。
女人：
你好，這里是563室。有什么事情嗎？
男人：
可我剛才就在這個房間，這是365室。
女人：
不是，這是563室?？?，墻上寫著“563室”。有什么事情嗎？
男人：
請給我一張PM624表格。
女人：
好的，好的。請坐。
男人：
（坐下）可是我不明白！
女人：
好吧，你看到了，我在做兩個人的工作。我在365室和563室辦公，所以我把這兩個房間合并了。這樣我比較方便。
男人：
哦，我明白了。好吧，能給我一張PM624表格嗎？
女人：
請稍等。（打電話）喂，湯姆，還是我，帕姆。對，我很快就要回家了。好，一會兒見。再見，親愛的！
男人：
現(xiàn)在能給我PM624表格嗎？
女人：
讓我看看。是給這只猴子的，對嗎？
男人：
對，沒錯。
女人：
是只要工作的猴子嗎？
男人：
不是，它不工作。它住在我家里。
女人：
那就好，因為PM624表格對要工作的猴子無效。
男人：
（生氣地）行了，你到底給不給我PM624表格？我半個小時之前就來了。你先是叫我去取一個號，不對，是兩個號。
女人：
誰都得有號。這是規(guī)定。
男人：
（愈發(fā)生氣）接著你又要八張照片。然后你又讓我從這個房間出去又回來。
女人：
是讓你去另一個房間，563室。
男人：
現(xiàn)在你又問這是不是一只有工作的猴子？這同時你一直在給你的朋友湯姆打電話，聊吃飯、看電影，還有……
他哭了起來。
女人：
規(guī)定不是我定的。你知道，我只是在這里工作。
男人：
（感覺好一些）是的，我知道。對不起，現(xiàn)在能給我PM624表格了嗎？
女人：
稍等，現(xiàn)在幾點了？
男人：
（看了看表）五點過一分。怎么了？
女人：
哦，天哪！這間辦公室五點關門，你能明天再來嗎？
男人：
啊——！（他哭著跑了出去。）
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