雙語·《刀鋒》 第四章 六

CHAPTER FOUR 6
第四章 六

After that we saw a good deal of Larry. For the next week he came to the apartment every day and for half an hour shut himself up with Gray in the library.It appeared that he wanted to persuade him-that was how he smil-ingly put it-out of having those shattering megrims, and Gray conceived a child-like trust in him.From the little Gray said I got the idea that he was trying besides to restore his broken confidence in himself.About ten days later Gray had another headache, and it so happened that Larry was not to come till the evening.It was not a very bad one, but Gray was so confident now in Larry's odd power that he thought if Larry could be got hold of he could take it away in a few minutes.But neither I, whom Isabel called on the phone, nor they knew where he lived.When Larry at last came and relieved Gray of his pain, Gray asked him for his address so that in case of need he could summon him at once.Larry smiled.
此后，我們和拉里經(jīng)常見面。在接下來的一個(gè)星期里，他天天來公寓找格雷，到書房里把門關(guān)上，二人一待就是半個(gè)小時(shí)?？瓷先?，他在勸說格雷“懸崖勒馬”（這是他開玩笑說的），走出沮喪的陰影，而格雷像個(gè)乖孩子一樣百依百順。從格雷所說的只言片語中我聽得出來，拉里在試圖幫助他恢復(fù)已經(jīng)失去的自信心。大約在十天以后，格雷的頭痛又發(fā)作了，那天碰巧拉里要到傍晚才來。這次的病來勢(shì)洶洶，而格雷篤信拉里的神力，認(rèn)為只要把拉里找來，就可以手到病除?？墒?，他們不知道他的住址，伊莎貝爾打電話問我，我也不知道。最后，拉里終于來了，解除了格雷的病痛。格雷問他住在哪里，以便緊急時(shí)可以立刻找到他。他只是笑了笑。

“Call the American Express and leave a message. I'll call them every morning.”
“你打電話給美國運(yùn)通公司，留下口信就行了。我每天上午都會(huì)和他們通話的?！?/p>

Isabel asked me later why Larry made a secret of his address. He had done that before and then it had turned out that he lived without any mystery in a third-rate hotel in the Latin Quarter.
伊莎貝爾后來問我拉里為什么對(duì)自己的住址諱莫如深。她說他以前也是遮遮掩掩的，結(jié)果發(fā)現(xiàn)他住在拉丁區(qū)的一家三流旅館里，沒什么神秘的。

“I haven't a notion，”I said in answer.“I can only suggest something very fanciful and there's probably nothing in it. It may be that some queer instinct urges him to carry over to his dwelling-place some privacy of his spirit.”
“我不太清楚?！蔽一卮鹫f，“也可能是故作玄虛吧，其實(shí)并沒有什么大不了的。也許他的精神世界需要隱私，于是產(chǎn)生一種古怪的心理，使得他不愿暴露自己的住址?！?/p>

“What in God's name d'you mean by that?”she cried irritably.
“老天，你這都是在說些什么呀？”她有點(diǎn)急躁地說。

“Hasn't it struck you that when he's with us, easy as he is to get on with, friendly and sociable, one's conscious of a sort of detachment in him, as though he weren't giving all of himself, but withheld in some hidden part of his soul something, I don't know what it is-a tension, a secret, an aspiration, a knowledge-that sets him apart?”
“他和咱們大家在一起的時(shí)候，顯得平易近人、熱情友好，但你會(huì)覺得他有些超然，仿佛不愿把自己完全暴露出來，而是將某樣?xùn)|西隱藏在了他靈魂深處的一間密室里。這種現(xiàn)象你難道沒注意到嗎？究竟是什么使他和咱們拉開了距離就不得而知了，不知是緊張的情緒、某種秘密、一種希冀，抑或是對(duì)知識(shí)的追求在其中產(chǎn)生了影響?！?/p>

“I've known Larry all my life，”she said impatiently.”
“我從小就認(rèn)識(shí)拉里，對(duì)他是知根知底的?！币辽悹柲筒蛔⌒宰诱f道。

Sometimes he reminds me of a great actor playing perfectly a part in a trumpery play. Like Eleanora Duse in La Locandiera.”
“有時(shí)候，我覺得他就像個(gè)優(yōu)秀的演員，在一出難登大雅的戲里把角色演得無懈可擊，就像《女店主》里的愛琳諾拉·杜絲那樣?！?/p>

Isabel pondered over this for a moment.
伊莎貝爾沉吟片刻，然后說道：

“I suppose I know what you mean. One's having fun, and one thinks he's just like one of us, just like everybody else, and then suddenly you have the feeling that he's escaped you like a smoke ring that you try to catch in your hands.What do you think it can be that makes him so queer?”
“你的意思我想我是知道的。有的時(shí)候大家在一起玩得很開心，他跟所有的人一樣樂悠悠的?？墒牵蝗荒銜?huì)有一種感覺，覺得他好像變成了一縷青煙飄然而去，你想抓都抓不住。你說是什么原因叫他變得如此古怪呢？”

“Perhaps something so commonplace that one simply doesn't notice it.”
“也許原因平常得不能再平常了，讓人都注意不到?！?/p>

“Such as?”
“比如說呢？”

“Well, goodness, for instance.”
“比如說天性善良吧?！?/p>

Isabel frowned.
伊莎貝爾聽了蛾眉緊蹙。

“I wish you wouldn't say things like that. It gives me a nasty feeling in the pit of my stomach.”
“希望你別說這種話，讓人心里邊挺不是滋味的。”

“Or is it a little pain in the depth of your heart?”
“是不是戳得你心窩疼啦？”

Isabel gave me a long look as though she were trying to read my thoughts. She took a cigarette from the table beside her and, lighting it, leant back in her chair.She watched the smoke curl up into the air.
伊莎貝爾狠狠地看了我一眼，好像這一眼要把我的心看穿一樣。隨后，她從身旁的桌子上取過一根煙點(diǎn)著，抽了口，將身子向后一靠，望著自己吐出的煙裊裊升到空中。

“Do yon want me to go?”I asked.
“你要我走嗎？”我問。

“No.”
“不?！?/p>

I was silent for a moment, watching her, and I took my pleasure in the contemplation of her shapely nose and the exquisite line of her jaw.
我半天沒說話，只顧盯著她看，欣賞著她那漂亮的鼻子和精致的下巴。

“Are you very much in love with Larry?”
“你是不是非常愛拉里？”我末了問道。

“God damn you, I've never loved anyone else in all my life.”
“看你問的，我這一輩子從來都沒有愛過別人。”

“Why did you marry Gray?”
“那你為什么嫁給了格雷？”

“I had to marry somebody. He was mad about me and Mamma wanted me to marry him.Everybody told me I was well rid of Larry.I was very fond of Gray；I'm very fond of him still.You don't know how sweet he is.No one in the world could be so kind and so considerate.He looks as though he had an awful temper, doesn't he?With me he's always been angelic.When we had money, he wanted me to want things so that he could have the pleasure of giving them to me.Once I said it would be fun if we could have a yacht and go round the world, and if the crash hadn't come he’d have bought one.”
“男大當(dāng)婚女大當(dāng)嫁嘛。格雷愛我愛得發(fā)瘋，媽媽也想讓我嫁給他。那時(shí)，人人都說我和拉里分手是明智之舉。我喜歡格雷，至今仍不改初衷。你都不知道他有多好。天下誰都不會(huì)對(duì)我那么溫柔，那么體貼。他看上去好像脾氣不好，是不是？他對(duì)我卻總是那么柔情似水。有錢的時(shí)候，他為我一擲千金，恨不得把天上的月亮也摘給我。一次，我說要有艘游艇就好了，可以乘游艇周游世界。要不是碰上經(jīng)濟(jì)大崩潰，他一定會(huì)把游艇給我買來的。”

“He sounds almost too good to be true，”I murmured.
“你把他說得也太好啦。”我低聲咕噥了一句。

“We had a grand time. I shall always be grateful to him for that.He made me very happy.”
“我們?cè)?jīng)有過一段美滿的歲月。我一直對(duì)他心存感激，是他讓我生活得十分幸福?！?/p>

I looked at her but did not speak.
我看了看她，卻沒有說話。

“I suppose I didn't really love him, but one can get on all right without love. At the bottom of my heart I hankered for Larry, but as long as I didn't see him it didn't really bother me.D'you remember saying to me that with three thousand miles of ocean between, the pangs of love become quite tolerable?I thought it a cynical remark then, but of course it's true.”
“也許，我對(duì)他的感情并非真愛，但沒有愛情的生活也是可以過得很好的。在內(nèi)心深處，我渴望得到的是拉里，不過，既然不得相見，我也覺得沒有什么。你曾經(jīng)說過，情人遠(yuǎn)隔重洋，中間有三千英里的距離，愛情的痛苦是完全可以忍受的。這話你還記得嗎？我當(dāng)時(shí)覺得是無稽之談，現(xiàn)在則認(rèn)為這話說得很對(duì)。”

“If it's a pain to see Larry, don't you think it would be wiser not to see him?”
“如果見到拉里感到痛苦，比較明智的辦法是不是不見他呢？”

“But it's a pain that's heaven. Besides, you know what he is.Any day he may vanish like a shadow when the sun goes in and we may not see him again for years.”
“痛苦是痛苦，但這是幸福的痛苦。再說，你也知道他是怎么一個(gè)人。哪天太陽落山的時(shí)候，他可能會(huì)像一道影子消失得無影無蹤，多年間再也見不到他。”

“Have you never thought of divorcing Gray?”
“你考慮過和格雷離婚沒有？”

“I've got no reason for divorcing him.”
“我沒有理由和他離婚?！?/p>

“That doesn't prevent your countrywomen from divorcing their husbands when they have a mind to.”
“你們國家的女子一旦有了離婚的念頭，任什么都是阻擋不住的?！?/p>

She laughed.
她哈哈笑了。

“Why d'you suppose they do it?”
“依你看，她們?yōu)槭裁匆x婚呢？”

“Don't you know?Because American women expect to find in their husbands a perfection that English women only hope to find in their butlers.”
“你不知道嗎？美國女人要求自己的丈夫十全十美，就跟英國女人要求自己的管家完美無瑕一樣?！?/p>

Isabel gave her head such a haughty toss that I wondered she didn't get a crick in the neck.
伊莎貝爾聽了，驕傲地把頭向后一甩，我真怕她會(huì)把脖子都甩斷呢。

“Because Gray isn't articulate you think there's nothing to him.”
“就因?yàn)楦窭撞簧朴诒磉_(dá)感情，你就認(rèn)為他一無可取之處了?！?/p>

“You're wrong there，”I interrupted quickly.“I think there's something rather moving about him. He has a wonderful faculty of love.One has only to glance at his face when he's looking at you to see how deeply, how devotedly he's attached to you.He loves his children much more than you do.”
“你弄錯(cuò)了?！蔽壹泵Υ驍嗨脑捳f，“我覺得他身上有一種叫人感動(dòng)的東西，能夠清楚地表達(dá)自己的愛。他看你的時(shí)候，誰只要瞧瞧他臉上的表情，就知道他對(duì)你的愛有多么深、多么真摯了。他愛孩子比你愛得要強(qiáng)烈得多?！?/p>

“I suppose you're going to say now that I'm not a good mother.”
“恐怕接下來你會(huì)說我是個(gè)壞母親嘍?！?/p>

“On the contrary I think you're an excellent mother. You see that they're well and happy.You watch over their diet and take care that their bowels act regularly.You teach them to behave nicely and you read to them and make themsay their prayers.If they were sick you'd send for a doctor at once and nurse them with care.But you're not wrapped up in them as Gray is.”
“恰恰相反，我覺得你是個(gè)非常出色的母親。在你的照料下，她們健康和幸福。你關(guān)照她們吃得好、大便正常，教導(dǎo)她們懂得禮儀，要求她們做祈禱，她們生病時(shí)為她們及時(shí)求醫(yī)，并精心伺候。只不過，你不像格雷那樣有十分心思就把十分心思放在她們身上?！?/p>

“It's unnecessary that one should be. I'm a human being and I treat them as human beings.A mother only does her children harm if she makes them the only concern of her life.”
“沒有必要那樣做。我是個(gè)人，應(yīng)該以人之道對(duì)待她們。為人之母，假如把子女作為自己生活的唯一目標(biāo)，只會(huì)對(duì)子女有害?！?/p>

“I think you're quite right.”
“你說的一點(diǎn)不錯(cuò)?！?/p>

“And the fact remains that they worship me.”
“事實(shí)勝于雄辯——她們崇拜我?！?/p>

“I've noticed that. You're their ideal of all that's graceful and beautiful and wonderful.But they're not cosy and at their ease with you as they are with Gray.They worship you, that's true；but they love him.”
“這些我也留意到了。你是她們理想中的形象：典雅、美麗、高貴。但是，她們和你在一起不像和格雷在一起時(shí)那樣適意和隨便。她們崇拜你，這是事實(shí)，但她們愛格雷?！?/p>

“He's very lovable.”
“格雷是值得愛的?！?/p>

I liked her for saying that. One of her most amiable traits was that she was never affronted by the naked truth.
我很喜歡她說話直言不諱。她有個(gè)最可愛的優(yōu)點(diǎn)，那就是直面事實(shí)，不慍不怒。

“After the crash Gray went all to pieces. For weeks he worked at the office till midnight.I used to sit at home in an agony of fear, I was afraid he'd blow his brains out, he was so ashamed.You see, they'd been so proud of the firm, his father and Gray, they were proud of their integrity and the sureness of their judgement.It wasn't so much that we'd lost all our money, what he couldn't get over was that all those people who’d trusted him had lost theirs.He felt that he ought to have had more foresight.I couldn’t get him to see that he wasn’t to blame.”
“經(jīng)濟(jì)大崩潰之后，格雷一蹶不振。有好多個(gè)星期，他在辦公室里一直工作到深夜。坐在家里，我嚇得膽戰(zhàn)心驚，生怕他會(huì)尋短見，因?yàn)樗X得自己已無地自容。你知道，那些人過去對(duì)公司、對(duì)他父親、對(duì)格雷都引以為自豪，相信他們正直的人格和準(zhǔn)確的判斷力。災(zāi)難之后，我們傾家蕩產(chǎn)這還不算，最叫他過意不去的是，那些對(duì)他百般信賴的人們也把投進(jìn)去的錢損失了個(gè)精光。他覺得自己早就應(yīng)當(dāng)看出一點(diǎn)苗頭。我怎么勸也勸不過來，他老覺得都怪他眼拙?！?/p>

Isabel took a lipstick out of her bag and painted her lips.
伊莎貝爾從化妝袋里取出一支口紅，涂了涂嘴唇。

“But that's not what I wanted to tell you. The one thing we had left was the plantation and I felt that the only chance for Gray was to get away, so we parked the children with Mamma and went down there.He'd always liked it, but we'd never been there by ourselves；we'd taken a crowd with us and had a grand time.Gray's a good shot, but he hadn’t the heart to shoot then.He used to take a boat and go out on the marsh by himself for hours at a time and watch the birds.He’d wander up and down the canals with the pale rushes on each side of him and only the blue sky above.On some days the canals are as blue as the Mediterranean.He used not to say much when he came back.He’d say it was swell.But I could see what he felt.I knew that his heart was moved by the beauty and the vastness and the stillness.There’s a moment just before sunset when the light on the marsh is lovely.He used to stand and look at it and it filled him with bliss.He took long rides in those solitary, mysterious woods；they’re like the woods in a play of Maeterlinck’s, so grey, so silent, it’s almost uncanny；and there’s a moment in spring-it hardly lasts more than a fortnight-when the dogwood bursts into flower, and the gum trees burst into leaf, and their young fresh green against the grey Spanish moss is like a song of joy；the ground is carpeted with great white lilies and wild azalea.Gray couldn’t say what it meant to him, but it meant the world.He was drunk with the loveliness of it.Oh, I know I don’t put it well, but I can’t tell you how moving it was to see that great hulk of a man uplifted by an emotion so pure and so beautiful that it made me want to cry.If there is a God in heaven Gray was very near Him then.”
“不過，我想說的并不是這些。當(dāng)時(shí)，我們一無所有，只剩下那片農(nóng)場(chǎng)。我覺得格雷唯有走出是非之地才是出路。于是，把孩子交給媽媽照料，我們倆去了農(nóng)場(chǎng)。他一直都很喜歡農(nóng)場(chǎng)，但我們倆從未單獨(dú)去過，每次去都拖家?guī)Э冢谝黄鸫蠹彝娴煤荛_心。格雷的槍法好，可是卻沒有心思打獵。他常常劃一條小船，獨(dú)自一人到沼澤那兒去，一待就是幾個(gè)小時(shí)，在那兒觀察野鳥。他劃著船在運(yùn)河上游蕩，兩邊是郁郁蔥蔥的燈芯草，頭頂上只看見一片藍(lán)天。有些日子，運(yùn)河里的水跟地中海的海水一樣湛藍(lán)湛藍(lán)。他回家后，話卻很少，只說風(fēng)景很美。不過，不用他說我也能看出他心里的感受。我知道他的一顆心被那兒的美麗、遼闊和寧靜震撼了。太陽落山之前，有短短的一會(huì)兒，沼澤地上灑滿夕陽的余暉，美不勝收。他常常站在那兒眺望，心里充滿了喜悅。他時(shí)常騎馬到那些荒涼、神秘的林子里跑得老遠(yuǎn)。那些樹林就像梅特林克一出戲劇里的樹林一樣，灰暗、沉寂，簡(jiǎn)直有點(diǎn)叫人毛骨悚然。春天里有一段時(shí)間（頂多只有半個(gè)月），山茱萸鮮花盛開，橡膠樹長出了新葉，鮮嫩鮮嫩的綠葉和灰色的西班牙苔蘚相映成趣，奏響了一曲歡樂之歌；地上開遍百合花，又大又白，野生的杜鵑花也爭(zhēng)奇斗艷。格雷形容不出內(nèi)心的感受，但他所受到的影響卻是深遠(yuǎn)的。大自然的美麗讓他陶然若醉。啊，真不知怎么才能表達(dá)那份心境。我只能告訴你，看見那么大一條漢子竟然有那么純潔和美好的感情，那么如癡如醉，不能不叫人感動(dòng)，感動(dòng)得我差點(diǎn)沒哭出聲。如果天界有上帝的話，格雷已和他近在咫尺?！?/p>

Isabel had grown a trifle emotional while she told me this and taking a tiny handkerchief she carefully wiped away a tear that glistened at the corner of each eye.
伊莎貝爾追溯往事時(shí)，情緒有點(diǎn)激動(dòng)，掏出一塊小手絹，小心地把眼角兩邊晶瑩的淚花揩掉。

“Aren't you romanticizing?”I said, smiling.“I have a notion that you're ascribing to Gray thoughts and emotions that you would have expected him to have.”
“你未免太浪漫了吧？”我笑著說，“我有一種感覺，你是希望格雷有那種思想和感情，于是就把它們硬套在了他的頭上?！?/p>

“How should I have seen them if they hadn't been there?You know what I am. I'm never really happy unless I feel the cement of a sidewalk under my feet and there are large plateglass windows all along the street with hats to look at and fur coats and diamond bracelets and gold-mounted dressing cases.”
“如果他沒有那種情感，難道我能瞎編嗎？我是什么樣的人你該知道。除非走在混凝土人行道上，沿街瀏覽商店的大櫥窗，欣賞櫥窗里的帽子、皮大衣、鉆石手鐲和鑲金的化妝盒，否則我就不會(huì)真正地感到幸福?！?/p>

I laughed and we were silent for a moment. Then she went back to what we had been talking of before.
我笑了。有那么一會(huì)兒，雙方都沒有開口。后來，她回到了我們先前談的話題上。

“I'd never divorce Gray. We've been through too much together.And he's absolutely dependent upon me.It's rather flattering, you know, and it gives you a sense of responsibility.And besides……”
“我決不會(huì)和格雷離婚的。我們風(fēng)風(fēng)雨雨經(jīng)歷得太多了。他是絕對(duì)離不開我的。要知道，這叫人感到自己很偉大，于是就有了一份責(zé)任心。再說……”

“Besides what?”
“再說什么？”

She gave me a sidelong glance and there was a roguish twinkle in her eyes. I had a notion she didn't quite know how I would take what she had in mind to say.
她斜睨了我一眼，眼睛里閃出一種調(diào)皮的神情。我覺得她很可能想說什么，卻吃不準(zhǔn)我會(huì)怎么看待她。

“He's wonderful in bed. We've been married for ten years and he's as passionate a lover as he was at the beginning.Didn't you say in a play once that no man wants the same woman longer than five years?Well, you didn't know what you were talking about.Gray wants me as much as when we were first married.He’s made me very happy in that way.Although you wouldn’t think it to look at me, I’m a very sensual woman.”
“他床上的功夫很棒。我們結(jié)婚已有十載，而他仍熱情似火，跟新婚之夜一般。你在你的一個(gè)劇本里不是說過，一個(gè)男子愛一個(gè)女子，時(shí)間不會(huì)超過五年么？哦，你這話未免有些武斷。格雷愛我，一如初婚一般。在這方面，他使我很快樂。你光看我的樣子，不會(huì)想到我有這要求。其實(shí)，我是個(gè)肉欲很強(qiáng)的女人?！?/p>

“You're quite wrong, I would think it.”
“這你就大錯(cuò)特錯(cuò)了?？纯茨?，我會(huì)這么想的?！?/p>

“Well, it's not an unattractive trait, is it?”
“哦，這不是什么壞德行吧？”

“On the contrary.”I gave her a searching look.“Do you regret you didn't marry Larry ten years ago?”
“恰恰相反?！蔽艺f著，仔細(xì)看了她一眼，“十年前你沒有嫁給拉里，現(xiàn)在后悔嗎？”

“No. It would have been madness.But of course if I'd known then what I know now I'd have gone away and lived with him for three months, and then I'd have got him out of my system for good and all.”
“不后悔。那時(shí)嫁給他，才是發(fā)瘋呢。不過，當(dāng)然嘍，假如那時(shí)我和現(xiàn)在一樣了解風(fēng)情，那我會(huì)跟他遠(yuǎn)走高飛，和他姘居三個(gè)月，然后就離開他，和他永絕情緣?！?/p>

“I think it's lucky for you you didn't make the experiment；you might have found yourself bound to him by bonds you couldn't break.”
“恐怕值得慶幸的是你沒有做那樣的實(shí)驗(yàn)。否則，你也許會(huì)發(fā)現(xiàn)你和他綁在了一起，連接你們的鏈條你想斬也斬不斷。”

“I don't think so. it was merely a physical attraction.You know, often the best way to overcome desire is to satisfy it.”
“此話我不能茍同。這只不過是肉體上的吸引力罷了。要知道，克服肉欲的最好辦法往往就是讓它得到滿足?！?/p>

“Has it ever struck you that you're a very possessive woman?you've told me that Gray has a deep strain of poetic feeling and you've told me that he's an ardent lover；and I can well believe that both mean a lot to you；but you haven't told me what means much more to you than both of them put together-your feeling that you hold him in the hollow of that beautiful but not so small hand of yours. Larry would always have escaped you.D’you remember that Ode of Keats’s?‘Bold Lover, never, never canst thou kiss, though winning near the goal.’”
“你是個(gè)占有欲很強(qiáng)的人，這你想過沒有？你告訴過我，說格雷的感情極具詩意，還說他對(duì)你激情似火，我完全相信這兩點(diǎn)對(duì)你有著重大意義。但你沒有說過，把他攥在你那美麗但并不太小的手心里，那種感覺比這兩點(diǎn)加在一起還要重要得多。而拉里是永遠(yuǎn)也抓不住的。記得濟(jì)慈的《希臘古甕頌》里的一句詩嗎？‘大膽的情人，你永遠(yuǎn)，永遠(yuǎn)得不到一吻，雖然已接近目標(biāo)。’”

“You often think you know a great deal more than you do，”she said, a trifle acidly.“There's only one way a woman holds a man and you know it. And let me tell you this：it's not the first time she goes to bed with him that counts, it's the second.If she holds him then she holds him for good.”
“你老是以為自己懂得很多，其實(shí)遠(yuǎn)非如此。”她語氣有點(diǎn)尖刻地說，“掌控男人，女人有自己的絕招，這你也知道。讓我再告訴你一點(diǎn)吧——控制一個(gè)男人，決定性因素不在于第一次跟他上床，而在于第二次。一旦將他抓在手里，便可一勞永逸?！?/p>

“You do pick up the most extraordinary bits of information.”
“你掌握的情況真是非同一般喲?！?/p>

“I get around and I keep my eyes and ears open.”
“我靠的是交游廣，眼觀六路，耳聽八方。”

“May I inquire how you acquired that one?”
“能否告訴我，你這一錦囊妙計(jì)是從何處學(xué)來的？”

She gave me her most teasing smile.
她沖我笑了笑，笑容里含著嘲諷。

“From a woman I made friends with at a dress show. The vendeuse told me she was the smartest kept woman in Paris, so I made up my mind I'd get to know her.Adrienne de Troye.Ever heard of her?”
“在一次服裝展覽會(huì)上，我交了個(gè)女友，就是從她那兒學(xué)來的。女店員告訴我，說她是巴黎最出名的被人包養(yǎng)的女人。我當(dāng)時(shí)就下定決心要和她結(jié)識(shí)。她叫阿迪安妮·德·特洛耶。聽說過沒有？”

“Never.”
“沒聽說過?！?/p>

“How your education has been neglected！She's forty-five and not even pretty, but she looks much more distinguished than any of Uncle Elliott's duchesses. I sat down beside her and put on my impulsive little-American-girl act.I told her I had to speak to her because I'd never seen anyone more ravishing in my life.I told her she had the perfection of a Greek cameo.”
“你可真是疏于學(xué)業(yè)呀！她四十五歲，雖無花容月貌，但論風(fēng)度卻遠(yuǎn)遠(yuǎn)勝過艾略特舅舅的那些公爵夫人。我一屁股坐到她身旁，拿出我的那種美國小女孩的任性勁，說我必須跟她說幾句話，因?yàn)槲矣猩詠韽奈匆娺^她這樣典雅的人，簡(jiǎn)直就像是希臘浮雕畫里的女神一樣完美無瑕?！?/p>

“The nerve you've got.”
“你的膽子真夠大的?！?/p>

“She was rather stiff at first and stand-offish, but I ran on in my simple na?ve way and she thawed.Then we had quite a nice little chat.When the show was over I asked her if she wouldn’t come to lunch with me at the Ritz one day.I told her I’d always admired her wonderful chic.”
“起初，她非常冷淡，而我滔滔不絕說個(gè)沒完，一副天真無邪的樣子，最后說得她軟了下來。接下來，我倆推心置腹聊了一通。展覽會(huì)結(jié)束時(shí)，我提出想請(qǐng)她哪一天去里茲飯店共進(jìn)午餐。我告訴她，說我一直都很羨慕她那綽約的風(fēng)姿?！?/p>

“Had you ever seen her before?”
“你以前見過她？”

“Never. She wouldn't lunch with me, she said they had such malicious tongues in Paris, it would compromise me, but she was pleased that I'd asked her, and when she saw my mouth quiver with disappointment she asked me if I wouldn't come and lunch with her in her house.She patted my hand when she saw I was simply overwhelmed by her affability.”
“沒見過。她不肯去赴宴，說巴黎人喜歡造謠生事、飛短流長，害怕殃及我，不過，對(duì)于我的邀請(qǐng)，她還是很高興的。后來，她見我嘴唇發(fā)抖，一臉失望的表情，便提出請(qǐng)我到她家去和她共進(jìn)午餐。我顯出一副受寵若驚的神情，她看在眼里，在我的手背上拍了拍?！?/p>

“And did you go?”
“你去了嗎？”

“Of course I went. She has a dear little house off the Avenue Foch and we were waited on by a butler who's the very image of George Washington.I stayed till four o'clock.We took our hair down and our stays off, and had a thorough girls'gossip.I learnt enough that afternoon to write a book.”
“當(dāng)然去了。她住在福煦大街旁一幢精致的小房子里，伺候我們的是一個(gè)長相酷似喬治·華盛頓的管家。我在那兒一直待到下午四點(diǎn)鐘。我們讓頭發(fā)散開，脫掉胸衣，說了一大堆關(guān)于女人的秘事。那天下午學(xué)到的知識(shí)，能夠用來寫一本書。”

“Why don't you?It's just the sort of thing to suit the Ladies'Home Journal.”
“那你為什么不寫？這類稿件適合登在《女士之家雜志》上?！?/p>

“You fool，”she laughed.
“你真傻?！彼α?。

I was silent for a moment. I pursued my thoughts.
我沉默了一會(huì)兒，心里翻江倒海般思索著。

“I wonder if Larry was ever really in love with you，”I said presently.
“真不知拉里是不是真的愛過你。”我最后說道。

She sat up. Her expression lost its amenity.Her eyes were angry.
她不聽則已，一聽蹭地坐直了身子，臉色大變，一雙美眸怒氣沖沖。

“What are you talking about?Of course he was in love with me. D'you think a girl doesn't know when a man's in love with her?”
“你這說的是什么鬼話？他當(dāng)然愛我。你以為一個(gè)女孩子連別人愛她，她都不知道？”

“Oh, I dare say he was in love with you after a fashion. He didn't know any girl so intimately as he knew you.You'd played around together since you were children.He expected himself to be in love with you.He had the normal sexual instinct.It seemed such a natural thing that you should marry.There wouldn't have been any particular difference in your relations except that you lived under the same roof and went to bed together.'
“這個(gè)嘛，也可以說他在某種程度上是愛你的。他認(rèn)識(shí)的女孩子，你和他是關(guān)系最密切的一個(gè)。你們青梅竹馬，兩小無猜嘛。他指望著自己一定會(huì)愛上你的。他有著正常的性欲本能。你們結(jié)婚成家似乎是順理成章的事情。結(jié)婚后，你們一同生活，同床共枕，除此之外，與別的夫妻相比，并無什么特殊之處?！?/p>

Isabel, to some extent mollified, waited for me to go on and, knowing that women are always glad to listen when you discourse upon love, I went on.
怒氣稍微平息了些，伊莎貝爾等著我繼續(xù)說下去。我知道女人家總喜歡聽別人談愛情，于是便又說道：

“Moralists try to persuade us that the sexual instinct hasn't got so very much to do with love. They're apt to speak of it as if it were an epiphenomenon.”
“道德家們有一種觀點(diǎn)，認(rèn)為性欲的本能與愛情關(guān)系不大。依照他們的說法，性欲的本能似乎僅僅是偶然的沖動(dòng)?！?/p>

“What in God's name is that?”
“這是什么荒唐理論呀？”

“Well there are psychologists who think that consciousness accompanies brain processes and is determined by them, but doesn't itself exert any influence on them. Something like the reflection of a tree in water；it couldn't exist without the tree, but it doesn't in any way affect the tree.I think it's all stuff and nonsense to say that there can be love without passion；when people say love can endure after passion is dead they're talking of something else, affection, kindliness, community of taste and interest, and habit.Especially habit.Two people can go on having sexual intercourse from habit in just the same way as they grow hungry at the hour they’re accustomed to have their meals.Of course there can be desire without love.Desire isn’t passion.Desire is the natural consequence of the sexual instinct and it isn’t of any more importance than any other function of the human animal.That’s why women are foolish to make a song and dance if their husbands have an occasional flutter when the time and the place are propitious.”
“有些心理學(xué)家認(rèn)為，人的意識(shí)伴隨著大腦的活動(dòng)而出現(xiàn)，依賴于大腦的活動(dòng)，而它本身對(duì)大腦不施加任何影響。人的意識(shí)猶如水中樹影，離開樹不能存在，但是對(duì)樹絲毫沒有影響。有人說，沒有情也可以有愛，我認(rèn)為是胡說；他們說即便情消失了，愛仍舊可以存在。其實(shí)，他們所謂的情，只是好感、善心、共同的品味、共同的興趣和共同的習(xí)慣。尤其指的是習(xí)慣。出于習(xí)慣，男女雙方可以一直保持性關(guān)系，就像一到吃飯時(shí)間就感到肚子餓一樣。當(dāng)然，沒有愛情，也是可以有肉欲的。肉欲并非激情，而是性欲本能的自然產(chǎn)物，與人的其他動(dòng)物功能相比并無出眾之處。所以說，有些做丈夫的在時(shí)間和地點(diǎn)適合時(shí)偶爾放縱一下，他們的妻子那樣大驚小怪，實(shí)在愚蠢?！?/p>

“Does that apply only to men?”
“光男人可以放縱嗎？”

I smiled.
我笑了。

“If you insist I'll admit that what is sauce for the gander is sauce for the goose. The only thing to be said against it is that with a man a passing connexion of that sort has no emotional significance, while with a woman it has.”
“如果你硬要問，那我就得承認(rèn)，男人可以放縱，女人也是可以瀟灑一下的。唯一不同的是，對(duì)于男人，露水關(guān)系并無感情可言，對(duì)于女人就不一樣了?！?/p>

“It depends on the woman.”
“那要看是什么樣的女人了?！?/p>

I wasn't going to let myself be interrupted.
我不想讓自己的話被打斷，于是繼續(xù)說了下去。

“Unless love is passion, it's not love, but something else；and passion thrives not on satisfaction, but on impediment. What d'you suppose Keats meant when he told the lover on his Grecian urn not to grieve?‘Forever wilt thou love, and she be fair！'Why?Because she was unattainable, and however madly the lover pursued she still eluded him.For they were both imprisoned in the marble of what I suspect was an indifferent work of art.Your love for Larry and his for you were as simple and natural as the love of Paolo and Francesca or Romeo and Juliet.Fortunately for you it didn't come to a bad end.You made a rich marriage and Larry roamed the world to find out what song the Sirens sang.Passion didn't enter into it.”
“愛是有情欲的，否則就不是愛，而是別的東西。這種情欲不是因?yàn)榈玫綕M足，而是由于遭到阻撓，會(huì)變得愈加熾熱。濟(jì)慈曾經(jīng)對(duì)著雕刻在希臘古甕上的戀人畫像，讓她不要傷心，你以為他是什么意思？‘你永遠(yuǎn)在愛著，她永遠(yuǎn)美麗動(dòng)人?！癁槭裁?？因?yàn)樗堑貌坏绞值摹２还芩那槿嗽鯓盈偪竦刈非?，都追不到手。因?yàn)槎叨急磺艚诹宋曳Q之為冷漠藝術(shù)品的大理石石面上。你對(duì)拉里的愛，以及拉里對(duì)你的愛，和保羅與弗蘭切斯卡、羅密歐與朱麗葉之間的愛一樣，都是那般單純和自然。幸好你們倆的結(jié)局并不悲慘。你嫁入一個(gè)富人之家，拉里則浪跡天涯去探尋海妖歌聲的秘密。你們之間沒有情欲作祟?！?/p>

“How d'you know?”
“你怎么知道呢？”

“Passion doesn't count the cost. Pascal said that the heart has its reasons that reason takes no account of.If he meant what I think, he meant that when passion seizes the heart it invents reasons that seem not only plausible but conclusive to prove that the world is well lost for love.It convinces you that honour is well sacrificed and that shame is a cheap price to pay.Passion is destructive.It destroyed Antony and Cleopatra, Tristan and Isolde, Parnell and Kitty O'shea.And if it doesn't destroy it dies.It may be then that one is faced with the desolation of knowing that one has wasted the years of one's life, that one's brought disgrace upon oneself, endured the frightful pang of jealousy, swallowed every bitter mortification, that one’s expended all one’s tenderness, poured out all the riches of one’s soul ona poor drab, a fool, a peg on which one hung one’s dreams, who wasn’t worth a stick of chewing gum.”
“情欲是不計(jì)代價(jià)的。帕斯卡曾經(jīng)說：人之心講究理智，而理智卻有失控的時(shí)候。如果我沒理解錯(cuò)的話，他的意思是，情欲一旦控制了人心，就會(huì)編出理由來，不僅冠冕堂皇，而且好像真實(shí)可信，讓人們覺得為了愛可以不管天塌地陷。你會(huì)覺得，犧牲掉榮譽(yù)是值得的，而恥辱僅是很小的代價(jià)。情欲是毀滅性的。它毀掉了安東尼與克莉奧佩特拉，毀掉了特里斯坦和伊索爾德，也毀掉了帕內(nèi)爾和基蒂·奧謝。只要情欲存在，就會(huì)有毀人的事情發(fā)生。夢(mèng)醒時(shí)，你才發(fā)現(xiàn)自己荒廢了一生中的大好年華，忍辱負(fù)重，經(jīng)受著嫉妒的痛苦折磨，將所有的苦水一滴滴吞下肚，獻(xiàn)給對(duì)方的是繾綣溫情和靈魂中最寶貴的財(cái)富，而對(duì)方只不過是個(gè)可憐蟲、蠢蛋，一個(gè)浪費(fèi)了你許多春夢(mèng)的飯桶，論價(jià)值還不如一塊橡皮糖?！?/p>

Before I finished this harangue I knew very well that Isabel wasn't paying any attention to me, but was occupied with her own reflections. But her next remark surprised me.
這番議論還未說完，我便發(fā)現(xiàn)伊莎貝爾壓根就沒有聽，而是在想自己的心事。而后，她便語出驚人。

“Do you think Larry is a virgin?”
“你看拉里是否仍是處男呢？”

“My dear, he's thirty-two.”
“親愛的，他已經(jīng)三十二歲了?！?/p>

“I'm certain he is.”
“我敢肯定他還是個(gè)處男?！?/p>

“How can you be?”
“何以見得？”

“That's the kind of thing a woman knows instinctively.”
“這種事情，女人憑本能可以感覺得到?！?/p>

“I knew a young man who had a very prosperous career for some years by convincing one beautiful creature after another that he'd never had a woman. He said it worked like a charm.”
“我認(rèn)識(shí)一個(gè)年輕人，此人在情場(chǎng)上如魚得水，聲稱自己是處男，將漂亮的女孩子們一個(gè)個(gè)騙得暈頭轉(zhuǎn)向。據(jù)他說，這一招像施魔咒一樣靈?！?/p>

“I don't care what you say. I believe in my intuition.”
“不管你怎么說，反正我是相信自己的直覺的?！?/p>

It was growing late, Gray and Isabel were dining with friends, and she had to dress. I had nothing to do, so I walked in the pleasant spring evening up the Boulevard Raspail.I have never believed very much in women's intuition；it fits in too neatly with what they want to believe to persuade me that it is trustworthy；and as I thought of the end of my long talk with Isabel I couldn't help but laugh.It put me in mind of Suzanne Rouvier and it occurred to me that I hadn't seen her for several days.I wondered if she was doing anything.If not, she might like to dine with me and go to a movie.I stopped a prowling taxi and gave the address of her apartment.
天色漸晚，格雷和伊莎貝爾要出去和朋友們吃飯，伊莎貝爾得換衣服。我無事可做，于是步上拉斯帕埃大街，踏著秋天迷人的暮色向前走去。對(duì)于女人的直覺我歷來都不太相信，認(rèn)為她們所謂的直覺只是主觀的想法，是不可信的。想到和伊莎貝爾這番長談，自己在末尾說的那段話，我不禁啞然失笑。這使我想起蘇姍娜·魯維埃來，發(fā)現(xiàn)自己已有多日未見她了，不知她在做什么事情。如果她閑著沒事，也許愿意陪我吃頓飯、看場(chǎng)電影呢。我叫住一輛在街上轉(zhuǎn)悠的出租車，把她公寓的地址告訴了司機(jī)。