Ezra Pound was always a good friend and he was always doing things for people. The studio where he lived with his wife Dorothy on the rue Notre-Dame-des-Champs was as poor as Gertrude Stein’s studio was rich. It had very good light and was heated by a stove and it had paintings by Japanese artists that Ezra knew. They were all noblemen where they came from and wore their hair cut long. Their hair glistened black and swung forward when they bowed and I was very impressed by them but I did not like their paintings. I did not understand them but they did not have any mystery, and when I understood them they meant nothing to me. I was sorry about this but there was nothing I could do about it.
Dorothy’s paintings I liked very much and I thought Dorothy was very beautiful and built wonderfully. I also liked the head of Ezra by Gaudier-Brzeska and I liked all of the photographs of this sculptor’s work that Ezra showed me and that were in Ezra’s book about him. Ezra also liked Picabia’s painting but I thought then that it was worthless. I also disliked Wyndham Lewis’s painting which Ezra liked very much. He liked the works of his friends, which is beautiful as loyalty but can be disastrous as judgment. We never argued about these things because I kept my mouth shut about things I did not like. If a man liked his friends’ painting or writing, I thought it was probably like those people who like their families, and it was not polite to criticize them. Sometimes you can go quite a long time before you criticize families, your own or those by marriage, but it is easier with bad painters because they do not do terrible things and make intimate harm as families can do. With bad painters all you need to do is not look at them. But even when you have learned not to look at families nor listen to them and have learned not to answer letters, families have many ways of being dangerous. Ezra was kinder and more Christian about people than I was. His own writing, when he would hit it right, was so perfect, and he was so sincere in his mistakes and so enamored of his errors, and so kind to people that I always thought of him as a sort of saint. He was also irascible but so perhaps have been many saints.
Ezra wanted me to teach him to box and it was while we were sparring late one afternoon in his studio that I first met Wyndham Lewis. Ezra had not been boxing very long and I was embarrassed at having him work in front of anyone he knew, and I tried to make him look as good as possible. But it was not very good because he knew how to fence and I was still working to make his left into his boxing hand and move his left foot forward always and bring his right foot up parallel with it. It was just basic moves. I was never able to teach him to throw a left hook and to teach him to shorten his right was something for the future.
Wyndham Lewis wore a wide black hat, like a character in the quarter, and was dressed like someone out of La Bohème. He had a face that reminded me of a frog, not a bullfrog but just any frog, and Paris was too big a puddle for him. At that time we believed that any writer or painter could wear any clothes he owned and there was no official uniform for the artist; but Lewis wore the uniform of a prewar artist. It was embarrassing to see him and he watched superciliously while I slipped Ezra’s left leads or blocked them with an open right glove.
I wanted us to stop but Lewis insisted we go on, and I could see that, knowing nothing about what was going on, he was waiting, hoping to see Ezra hurt. Nothing happened. I never countered but kept Ezra moving after me sticking out his left hand and throwing a few right hands and then said we were through and washed down with a pitcher of water and toweled off and put on my sweatshirt.
We had a drink of something and I listened while Ezra and Lewis talked about people in London and Paris. I watched Lewis carefully without seeming to look at him, as you do when you are boxing, and I do not think I had ever seen a nastier-looking man. Some people show evil as a great race horse shows breeding. They have the dignity of a hard chancre. Lewis did not show evil; he just looked nasty.
Walking home I tried to think what he reminded me of and there were various things. They were all medical except toe-jam and that was a slang word. I tried to break his face down and describe it but I could only get the eyes. Under the black hat, when I had first seen them, the eyes had been those of an unsuccessful rapist.
“I met the nastiest man I’ve ever seen today,” I told my wife.
“Tatie, don’t tell me about him,” she said. “Please don’t tell me about him. We’re just going to have dinner.”
About a week afterwards I met Miss Stein and told her I’d met Wyndham Lewis and asked her if she had ever met him.
“I call him ‘the Measuring Worm,’?” she said. “He comes over from London and he sees a good picture and takes a pencil out of his pocket and you watch him measuring it on the pencil with his thumb. Sighting on it and measuring it and seeing exactly how it is done. Then he goes back to London and does it and it doesn’t come out right. He’s missed what it’s all about.”
So I thought of him as the Measuring Worm. It was a kinder and more Christian term than what I had thought about him myself. Later I tried to like him and to be friends with him as I did with nearly all of Ezra’s friends when he explained them to me. But this was how he seemed to me on the first day I ever met him in Ezra’s studio.
Ezra was the most generous writer I have ever known and the most disinterested. He helped poets, painters, sculptors and prose writers that he believed in and he would help anyone whether he believed in them or not if they were in trouble. He worried about everyone and in the time when I first knew him he was most worried about T. S. Eliot who, Ezra told me, had to work in a bank in London and so had insufficient time and bad hours to function as a poet.
Ezra founded something called Bel Esprit with Miss Natalie Barney who was a rich American woman and a patroness of the arts. Miss Barney had been a friend of Rémy de Gourmont who was before my time and she had a salon at her house on regular dates and a small Greek temple in her garden. Many American and French women with money enough had salons and I figured very early that they were excellent places for me to stay away from, but Miss Barney, I believe, was the only one that had a small Greek temple in her garden.
Ezra showed me the brochure for Bel Esprit and Miss Barney had allowed him to use the small Greek temple on the brochure. The idea of Bel Esprit was that we would all contribute a part of whatever we earned to provide a fund to get Mr. Eliot out of the bank so he would have money to write poetry. This seemed like a good idea to me and after we had got Mr. Eliot out of the bank Ezra figured we would go right straight along and fix up everybody.
I mixed things up a little by always referring to Eliot as Major Eliot pretending to confuse him with Major Douglas an economist about whose ideas Ezra was very enthusiastic. But Ezra understood that my heart was in the right place and that I was full of Bel Esprit even though it would annoy Ezra when I would solicit funds from my friends to get Major Eliot out of the bank and someone would say what was a Major doing in a bank anyway and if he had been axed by the military establishment did he not have a pension or at least some gratuity?
In such cases I would explain to my friends that this was all beside the point. Either you had Bel Esprit or you did not have it. If you had it you would subscribe to get the Major out of the bank. If you didn’t it was too bad. Didn’t they understand the significance of the small Greek temple? No? I thought so. Too bad, Mac. Keep your money. We wouldn’t touch it.
As a member of Bel Esprit I campaigned energetically and my happiest dreams in those days were of seeing the Major stride out of the bank a free man. I cannot remember how Bel Esprit finally cracked up but I think it had something to do with the publication of The Waste Land which won the Major the Dial award and not long after a lady of title backed a review for Eliot called The Criterion and Ezra and I did not have to worry about him any more. The small Greek temple is, I believe, still in the garden. It was always a disappointment to me that we had not been able to get the Major out of the bank by Bel Esprit alone, as in my dreams I had pictured him as coming, perhaps, to live in the small Greek temple and that maybe I could go with Ezra when we would drop in to crown him with laurel. I knew where there was fine laurel that I could gather, riding out on my bicycle to get it, and I thought we could crown him any time he felt lonesome or any time Ezra had gone over the manuscript or the proofs of another big poem like The Waste Land. The whole thing turned out badly for me morally, as so many things have, because the money that I had earmarked for getting the Major out of the bank I took out to Enghien and bet on jumping horses that raced under the influence of stimulants. At two meetings the stimulated horses that I was backing outraced the unstimulated or insufficiently stimulated beasts except for one race in which our fancy had been overstimulated to such a point that before the start he threw his jockey and breaking away completed a full circuit of the steeplechase course jumping beautifully by himself the way one can sometimes jump in dreams. Caught up and remounted he started the race and figured honorably, as the French racing phrase has it, but was out of the money.
I would have been happier if the amount of the wager had gone to Bel Esprit which was no longer existent. But I comforted myself that with those wagers which had prospered I could have contributed much more to Bel Esprit than was my original intention.
埃茲拉·龐德一直都是我的鐵哥們,一個(gè)助人為樂的人。他和他的妻子多蘿西住在圣母院大街的工作室里,這間工作室要多寒磣有多寒磣,就跟格特魯?shù)隆に固┮虻墓ぷ魇乙喔毁F有多富貴一樣。但這里光線特別好,冬天生爐子,溫暖如春,還掛著一些埃茲拉認(rèn)識的日本畫家所贈(zèng)送的畫作。那些日本畫家一個(gè)個(gè)都是貴族子弟,蓄著長發(fā)。他們的頭發(fā)黑黑的,油光閃亮,彎腰鞠躬時(shí)就會甩到前面,給我留下了很深的印象,但對于他們的畫我卻不喜歡,因?yàn)槲铱床欢2贿^,他們的畫也并不神秘,一旦看懂了便覺得索然無味。我為此感到遺憾,可也覺得無奈。
多蘿西作的畫我則非常喜歡。我覺得多蘿西生得貌若天仙、體態(tài)婀娜。高迪·布熱茲卡[1]為埃茲拉塑的那座頭像我也打心底里喜歡。埃茲拉把那位雕塑家的作品的照片指給我看(埃茲拉寫過一部關(guān)于此人的書,照片就附在書里),我看了頗為欣賞。埃茲拉對皮卡比亞[2]的畫也情有獨(dú)鐘,當(dāng)時(shí)我卻頗不以為然,覺得此人的畫毫無價(jià)值。對溫德姆·劉易斯[3]的畫我也沒有好感,而埃茲拉卻喜歡得不得了。他喜歡朋友的作品,這本身是一種美德,是對朋友的忠誠,但在評判作品的優(yōu)劣時(shí)則是災(zāi)難。我們從不為此而產(chǎn)生爭論,因?yàn)槲铱吹阶约翰幌矚g的畫作,總會緘口不語。我心想:一個(gè)人喜歡朋友的畫作或著作,大概就跟他喜歡自己的家人一樣,對其評頭論足有失禮貌。有時(shí),對于家里人(你自己的家人以及妻子的家人),你不便妄加指責(zé),而是把話長時(shí)間悶在心里,對付那些拙劣的畫家則比較容易,因?yàn)樗麄儾粫o你帶來可怕的后果,不會像家里人那樣給你造成感情上的傷害。拙劣畫家的作品,你只要不去看就行了。家里人則不然,即便你一忍再忍,對他們做的事情視而不見,對他們說的話聽而不聞,對他們來的信不回復(fù),但得罪了他們,你也會感到危機(jī)四伏。埃茲拉比我善良,待人接物方面比我更具有基督徒的慈悲心腸。他的作品,如果選對了題材,一定會完美無瑕。他一旦做錯(cuò)了事情,便痛心疾首,對自己的失誤久久難忘,而對他人則是一片古道熱腸,我總覺得他跟圣人一樣。他有時(shí)也發(fā)怒,不過,恐怕許多圣人都有這種瑕疵。
埃茲拉想跟我學(xué)拳擊術(shù)。一天下午,在他的工作室里,我們當(dāng)著溫德姆·劉易斯的面(那是我第一次見到此人)練了起來。埃茲拉學(xué)拳擊時(shí)間還不太長,讓他在熟人面前表演拳術(shù)未免有些尷尬,于是我盡量退讓,想叫他顯得英武一些。但是效果并不十分好,因?yàn)樗欢梅朗?。?dāng)時(shí),我正在教他左手怎樣出拳,教他怎樣左腳前跨,然后右腳跟上,與左腳平行。這些僅僅是基本功。我沒有來得及教會他打左勾拳,而要教怎樣縮短右拳出手的幅度更要到以后再說了。
溫德姆·劉易斯頭戴一頂寬邊黑帽,像住在當(dāng)?shù)氐木用馵4],一身裝束與《波希米亞人》[5]的劇中人物無二。他的那張臉讓我想起了青蛙,不是牛蛙,而只是普普通通的青蛙——巴黎對他來說就是一個(gè)大池塘,一個(gè)奇大無比的池塘。那時(shí),大家都認(rèn)為作家或畫家可以不修邊幅,愛穿什么就穿什么,沒有固定的服飾。劉易斯的服飾卻是固定的——一身戰(zhàn)前藝術(shù)家的裝束??匆娝哪巧泶虬纾蜁钊税l(fā)窘。他卻滿不在乎,傲氣十足地觀看我們練拳,觀看我怎樣躲開埃茲拉左拳的連連進(jìn)逼,怎樣用戴著拳擊手套的右手化解攻擊。
我想停下來,可是劉易斯硬要我們繼續(xù)練下去,看得出他根本就不懂拳擊,只是希望能一睹埃茲拉被打翻在地的場面。這樣的事情并沒有發(fā)生——我從不反擊,只是引導(dǎo)埃茲拉追著我打,讓他練習(xí)左右開弓,時(shí)而出左拳,時(shí)而出右拳。后來,我宣布停止,用一大罐水沖洗了身子,用毛巾擦干,穿上了我的運(yùn)動(dòng)衫。
大家在一起喝了點(diǎn)酒。接下來,埃茲拉就和劉易斯閑聊起來,說的無非是倫敦和巴黎的張三李四什么的,而我則充當(dāng)聽客。我表面上不去看劉易斯,其實(shí)卻在暗中仔細(xì)打量他,就像在拳擊場上那樣,覺得他那副模樣是我所見過的最令人討厭的。有些人面露兇相,就像賽馬場上的駿馬,反倒像是良種馬,表現(xiàn)出桀驁不馴的尊嚴(yán)。劉易斯則不然——他并非面露兇相,而是面露齷齪相。
回家的路上,我仍在想他的那副模樣,想著該怎樣形容他才好,結(jié)果想到了很多詞語,全都是解剖學(xué)方面的,只有“腳趾果醬”[6]一詞例外(這個(gè)詞是個(gè)俚語)。我恨不得將他的臉分解開,按局部加以形容,可是弄來弄去也只能形容一下他的眼睛——初次見面時(shí),他的那雙眼睛遮在黑帽子的帽檐下,簡直就像一個(gè)強(qiáng)奸未遂嫌疑犯的眼睛。
“今天我見到了一個(gè)人,他是我所見過的最令人厭惡的人?!被丶液螅覍ζ拮诱f。
“塔蒂,他是什么樣的人就不必說了?!逼拮诱f,“請別對他評頭論足了。咱們還是吃飯吧?!?/p>
大約一個(gè)星期后,我見到斯泰因小姐,對她說我見到了溫德姆·劉易斯,問她是否認(rèn)識此人。
“我叫他‘尺蠖’[7]?!彼卦捳f,“他從倫敦跑來,只要看到一幅好畫,就從口袋里掏出鉛筆,你就看到他用拇指按在鉛筆上測量那畫。一面觀賞,一面測量,研究其中的竅道。然后,他跑回倫敦如法炮制,結(jié)果總會功虧一簣。照貓畫虎,只得其表,不得其內(nèi)!”
“尺蠖”這一定義很合我的心意。其實(shí),他在我心中的形象更糟,而這一定義則顯得比較溫和,比較具有基督徒的慈悲之心。后來,我竭盡全力試圖喜歡他——對于埃茲拉的朋友,我?guī)缀跞家灰曂省?墒?,在埃茲拉的工作室第一次見面時(shí)他留給我的印象,卻怎么也改變不了。
埃茲拉是我認(rèn)識的最慷慨,也是最無私的作家。無論是詩人、畫家、雕刻家還是散文作家,只要是他信任的,他都會給予幫助。對于身處困境的人,不管信任不信任,他也會出手相助。他為每個(gè)人操心——我剛認(rèn)識他的那會兒,他正在為托·斯·艾略特牽腸掛肚。他對我說,艾略特迫于生計(jì)在倫敦一家銀行里工作,沒有時(shí)間寫詩,正處于艱難的時(shí)候,無法充分展現(xiàn)詩人的才華。
埃茲拉和娜塔莉·巴尼小姐創(chuàng)辦了一個(gè)叫作“才子圈”的組織。巴尼小姐是一位有錢的美國女人,一位藝術(shù)事業(yè)的贊助人,曾經(jīng)和已故的雷米·德·古爾蒙[8]是好友。她在家里定期舉辦沙龍,花園里還建有一座微型希臘神廟。那時(shí)候,許多美國和法國的富婆都喜歡在家里辦沙龍,我老早就有一種觀念——對那種地方最好敬而遠(yuǎn)之。辦沙龍的人雖多,但我堅(jiān)信在家中花園里建微型希臘神廟的只有巴尼小姐一人。
埃茲拉曾把介紹“才子圈”組織的小冊子給我看(巴尼小姐容許他把那座微型希臘神廟印在小冊子上)?!安抛尤Α庇幸粋€(gè)計(jì)劃:大家無論收入多少,都應(yīng)該捐出一部分作為基金,把艾略特先生從銀行解救出來,使他有錢、有時(shí)間搞詩歌創(chuàng)作。我認(rèn)為這不失為一個(gè)很好的想法,覺得解救出艾略特先生,埃茲拉便沒有了后顧之憂,可以騰出手來幫助其他的人。
我總是張冠李戴,把艾略特稱作梅杰·艾略特,有意將他和梅杰·道格拉斯混為一談——梅杰·道格拉斯是一位經(jīng)濟(jì)學(xué)家,埃茲拉對他的觀點(diǎn)抱有很高的熱情。我曾在自己的朋友圈里募集資金,說是要把梅杰[9]·艾略特從銀行解救出來,結(jié)果遭到了質(zhì)疑:一個(gè)少校為什么要在銀行謀職?既然他在軍隊(duì)里干過,難道他沒有退休金,至少也應(yīng)該有養(yǎng)老金吧?這叫埃茲拉很惱火,但他知道我的用心是好的,頗具“才子圈”扶危濟(jì)困的精神。
碰到這樣的情況,我會向朋友們解釋,說他們的質(zhì)疑是子虛烏有。我會說:“誰知道你們心里到底有沒有“才子圈”。如果有,那就應(yīng)該慷慨解囊,幫助幫助“梅杰”;如果沒有,那就太糟啦。難道你們不了解那座微型希臘神廟所包含的精神嗎?不了解?真是太糟了。那好吧,老兄,就把你們的錢袋子捂緊吧,我們是不會碰的?!?/p>
在那些日子里,作為“才子圈”的一個(gè)成員,我為實(shí)現(xiàn)它的計(jì)劃忙得團(tuán)團(tuán)轉(zhuǎn),做夢也想著要將“梅杰”從銀行解救出來,讓他成為自由人。我記不起“才子圈”最后是怎么垮掉的,但我想這跟《荒原》的出版不無關(guān)系——這部作品為“梅杰”贏得了“日晷獎(jiǎng)”[10]。過后不久,一位有貴族稱號的夫人資助艾略特辦了一份名為《標(biāo)準(zhǔn)》的評論雜志。這樣,我和埃茲拉就不必再為他操心了。那座微型希臘神廟,我想一定還在花園里。但我們沒有能單憑“才子圈”的基金使這位“梅杰”擺脫銀行的樊籠,這始終叫我難以釋懷。在我的夢里,我早已將他視為天神,供奉在那座微型希臘神廟里,也許我和埃茲拉應(yīng)該到那兒去,給他戴上一頂月桂樹葉編織的桂冠。我知道哪兒有優(yōu)質(zhì)的月桂樹葉,可以騎自行車去采摘。我覺得隨時(shí)都可以為他戴上那頂桂冠——無論是他感到寂寞的時(shí)候,還是埃茲拉看完另一首像《荒原》那樣長詩的原稿或校樣的時(shí)候。從道義上說,這件事的結(jié)局并不好,被我給搞砸了(許多事情都被我弄得一團(tuán)糟),原因是我把專門留作解救“梅杰”逃出銀行樊籠的那筆錢拿到昂吉安賽馬場,押在了那些在興奮劑的刺激下進(jìn)行跳欄的參賽馬身上。在兩次賽馬會上,我下賭注的那些服用過興奮劑的馬超過了那些沒有服用興奮劑或者服用得不夠的參賽馬。然而在一次比賽中,發(fā)生了叫人難以想象的一幕——我押的那匹馬在起跑前就把騎師甩下鞍來,風(fēng)馳電掣地跑完了一圈,獨(dú)自跳過一道道障礙,姿勢之優(yōu)美只有在夢境里才見得到。后來,騎師拽住它,飛身騎上去,又開始狂奔。正如法國賽馬術(shù)語所說的那樣,它“獨(dú)領(lǐng)風(fēng)騷”。然而,押在它身上的賭注卻打了水漂。
假如那筆賭注押在了“才子圈”上,我心里也還會好受一些(“才子圈”已不復(fù)存在)。不過,要是賽馬贏了錢,那時(shí)我捐的錢就不止原先想捐的那個(gè)數(shù)了,應(yīng)該遠(yuǎn)遠(yuǎn)超過那個(gè)數(shù)——我只能拿這種話安慰自己。
注釋:
[1] 法國雕塑家。
[2] 法國前衛(wèi)畫家,達(dá)達(dá)運(yùn)動(dòng)的早期主要人物之一。
[3] 英國畫家、作家、評論家。
[4] 當(dāng)?shù)氐木用穸酁槁渫夭涣b的藝術(shù)家和作家。
[5] 意大利歌劇作曲家普契尼創(chuàng)作的第三部歌劇。
[6] 比喻令人惡心的東西。
[7] 一種害蟲。
[8] 法國作家。
[9] 梅杰的英文是Major,含有“少校”的意思。
[10] 《日晷》雜志所創(chuàng)辦的文學(xué)獎(jiǎng)。
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