Then there was the bad weather. It would come in one day when the fall was over. We would have to shut the windows in the night against the rain and the cold wind would strip the leaves from the trees in the Place Contrescarpe. The leaves lay sodden in the rain and the wind drove the rain against the big green autobus at the terminal and the Café des Amateurs was crowded and the windows misted over from the heat and the smoke inside. It was a sad, evilly run café where the drunkards of the quarter crowded together and I kept away from it because of the smell of dirty bodies and the sour smell of drunkenness. The men and women who frequented the Amateurs stayed drunk all of the time, or all of the time they could afford it, mostly on wine which they bought by the half-liter or liter. Many strangely named apéritifs were advertised, but few people could afford them except as a foundation to build their wine drunks on. The women drunkards were called poivrottes which meant female rummies.
The Café des Amateurs was the cesspool of the rue Mouffetard, that wonderful narrow crowded market street which led into the Place Contrescarpe. The squat toilets of the old apartment houses, one by the side of the stairs on each floor with the two cleated cement shoe-shaped elevations on each side of the aperture so a locataire would not slip, emptied into cesspools which were emptied by pumping into horse-drawn tank wagons at night. In the summer time, with all windows open, we would hear the pumping and the odor was very strong. The tank wagons were painted brown and saffron color and in the moonlight when they worked the rue Cardinal Lemoine their wheeled, horse-drawn cylinders looked like Braque paintings. No one emptied the Café des Amateurs though, and its yellowed poster stating the terms and penalties of the law against public drunkenness was as flyblown and disregarded as its clients were constant and ill-smelling.
All of the sadness of the city came suddenly with the first cold rains of winter, and there were no more tops to the high white houses as you walked but only the wet blackness of the street and the closed doors of the small shops, the herb sellers, the stationery and the newspaper shops, the midwife—second class—and the hotel where Verlaine had died where I had a room on the top floor where I worked.
It was either six or eight flights up to the top floor and it was very cold and I knew how much it would cost for a bundle of small twigs, three wire-wrapped packets of short, half-pencil length pieces of split pine to catch fire from the twigs, and then the bundle of half-dried lengths of hard wood that I must buy to make a fire that would warm the room. So I went to the far side of the street to look up at the roof in the rain and see if any chimneys were going, and how the smoke blew. There was no smoke and I thought about how the chimney would be cold and might not draw and of the room possibly filling with smoke, and the fuel wasted, and the money gone with it, and I walked on in the rain. I walked down past the Lycée Henri Quatre and the ancient church of St-étienne-du-Mont and the windswept Place du Panthéon and cut in for shelter to the right and finally came out on the lee side of the Boulevard St.-Michel and worked on down it past the Cluny and the Boulevard St.-Germain until I came to a good café that I knew on the Place St.-Michel.
It was a pleasant café, warm and clean and friendly, and I hung up my old waterproof on the coat rack to dry and put my worn and weathered felt hat on the rack above the bench and ordered a café au lait. The waiter brought it and I took out a notebook from the pocket of the coat and a pencil and started to write. I was writing about up in Michigan and since it was a wild, cold, blowing day it was that sort of day in the story. I had already seen the end of fall come through boyhood, youth and young manhood, and in one place you could write about it better than in another. That was called transplanting yourself, I thought, and it could be as necessary with people as with other sorts of growing things. But in the story the boys were drinking and this made me thirsty and I ordered a rum St. James. This tasted wonderful on the cold day and I kept on writing, feeling very well and feeling the good Martinique rum warm me all through my body and my spirit.
A girl came in the café and sat by herself at a table near the window. She was very pretty with a face fresh as a newly minted coin if they minted coins in smooth flesh with rain-freshened skin, and her hair was black as a crow’s wing and cut sharply and diagonally across her cheek.
I looked at her and she disturbed me and made me very excited. I wished I could put her in the story, or anywhere, but she had placed herself so she could watch the street and the entry and I knew she was waiting for someone. So I went on writing.
The story was writing itself and I was having a hard time keeping up with it. I ordered another rum St. James and I watched the girl whenever I looked up, or when I sharpened the pencil with a pencil sharpener with the shavings curling into the saucer under my drink.
I’ve seen you, beauty, and you belong to me now, whoever you are waiting for and if I never see you again, I thought. You belong to me and all Paris belongs to me and I belong to this notebook and this pencil.
Then I went back to writing and I entered far into the story and was lost in it. I was writing it now and it was not writing itself and I did not look up nor know anything about the time nor think where I was nor order any more rum St. James. I was tired of rum St. James without thinking about it. Then the story was finished and I was very tired. I read the last paragraph and then I looked up and looked for the girl and she had gone. I hope she’s gone with a good man, I thought. But I felt sad.
I closed up the story in the notebook and put it in my inside pocket and I asked the waiter for a dozen portugaises and a half-carafe of the dry white wine they had there. After writing a story I was always empty and both sad and happy, as though I had made love, and I was sure this was a very good story although I would not know truly how good until I read it over the next day.
As I ate the oysters with their strong taste of the sea and their faint metallic taste that the cold white wine washed away, leaving only the sea taste and the succulent texture, and as I drank their cold liquid from each shell and washed it down with the crisp taste of the wine, I lost the empty feeling and began to be happy and to make plans.
Now that the bad weather had come, we could leave Paris for a while for a place where this rain would be snow coming down through the pines and covering the road and the high hillsides and at an altitude where we would hear it creak as we walked home at night. Below Les Avants there was a chalet where the pension was wonderful and where we would be together and have our books and at night be warm in bed together with the windows open and the stars bright. That was where we could go. Traveling third class on the train was not expensive. The pension cost very little more than we spent in Paris.
I would give up the room in the hotel where I wrote and there was only the rent of 74 rue Cardinal Lemoine which was nominal. I had written journalism for Toronto and the checks for that were due. I could write that anywhere under any circumstances and we had money to make the trip.
Maybe away from Paris I could write about Paris as in Paris I could write about Michigan. I did not know it was too early for that because I did not know Paris well enough. But that was how it worked out eventually. Anyway we would go if my wife wanted to, and I finished the oysters and the wine and paid my score in the café and made it the shortest way back up the Montagne Ste. Geneviève through the rain, that was now only local weather and not something that changed your life, to the flat at the top of the hill.
“I think it would be wonderful, Tatie,” my wife said. She had a gently modeled face and her eyes and her smile lighted up at decisions as though they were rich presents. “When should we leave?”
“Whenever you want.”
“Oh, I want to right away. Didn’t you know?”
“Maybe it will be fine and clear when we come back. It can be very fine when it is clear and cold.”
“I’m sure it will be,” she said. “Weren’t you good to think of going, too.”
天公老是不作美。秋天一過(guò),壞天氣便會(huì)接踵而至。夜里睡覺(jué)得關(guān)窗戶(hù)以防風(fēng)雨,寒風(fēng)吹來(lái),使得康特斯卡普廣場(chǎng)上的樹(shù)葉盡數(shù)飄落,浸泡在雨水里。風(fēng)裹著雨撲向汽車(chē)終點(diǎn)站,擊打在巨大的綠色公共汽車(chē)上?!皹I(yè)余愛(ài)好者”咖啡館里人滿(mǎn)為患,里面的熱氣和煙霧弄得窗戶(hù)玻璃上都結(jié)了一層水霧。這家咖啡館經(jīng)營(yíng)方略欠佳,來(lái)的都是些當(dāng)?shù)氐木乒恚瑢?duì)于它,我望而卻步,怕聞酒鬼身上的惡臭味以及難聞的嘔吐物味。那些男男女女逗留于這家咖啡館,一醉方休,有錢(qián)就塊兒八毛地買(mǎi)酒喝,非花個(gè)囊空如洗不可。這里陳列有名目繁多的開(kāi)胃酒,但由于錢(qián)囊羞澀,問(wèn)津者寥寥——有些人即便飲幾口,也只是作為開(kāi)杯的墊底酒,此后還要靠廉價(jià)酒為續(xù)。至于女酒鬼,人稱(chēng)“Poivrottes”,意思是嗜酒如命的女人。
“業(yè)余愛(ài)好者”咖啡館是個(gè)藏垢納污的場(chǎng)所,地處穆浮塔街——穆浮塔街是一條別開(kāi)生面的市場(chǎng)街,狹長(zhǎng)、熱鬧,一直通往康特斯卡普廣場(chǎng)。街上坐落著許多老式公寓房,每層樓的樓梯旁都有一間蹲式廁所,在蹲坑兩邊各有一個(gè)刻有防滑條的水泥鞋形踏板,以防如廁人滑倒。這些蹲式廁所把糞便排入糞便池,夜間用泵抽進(jìn)馬拉的運(yùn)糞車(chē)?yán)?。一到夏天,住?hù)敞開(kāi)窗戶(hù),就會(huì)聽(tīng)到抽糞的聲音,聞到撲鼻的臭味。運(yùn)糞車(chē)一般都漆成棕色和橘黃色,月夜駛上勒穆瓦納主教街,那馬拉著的車(chē)以及車(chē)上裝糞便的圓筒簡(jiǎn)直就像一幅布拉克[1]的油畫(huà)。可是,“業(yè)余愛(ài)好者”咖啡館的污穢物卻無(wú)人清理,墻上貼了張告示,列有禁止在公眾場(chǎng)所酗酒的條款和懲罰的措施,已經(jīng)發(fā)黃,沾滿(mǎn)蠅屎,沒(méi)人理睬,就像這里的顧客一樣固若金湯,散發(fā)出難聞的氣味。
第一場(chǎng)寒冷的冬雨過(guò)后,巴黎城氣氛大變,呈現(xiàn)一片蕭瑟的景象,走在街上,觀賞那些高大的白房子時(shí),已看不見(jiàn)它們的頂篷,目之所及盡是潮濕又陰暗的街道、關(guān)門(mén)閉戶(hù)的小商鋪、草藥店、文具店和報(bào)亭,還有那個(gè)接生婆下榻的二流旅館——魏爾倫[2]就是在這家旅館離開(kāi)了人世,而我在這家旅館的頂層包了個(gè)房間在寫(xiě)作時(shí)用。
到頂層得爬六七段或七八段樓梯。我的房間冷得像冰窖,必須去買(mǎi)一捆細(xì)枝條和三捆用鐵絲扎好的半支鉛筆那么長(zhǎng)的短松木劈柴,然后用細(xì)枝條引火點(diǎn)著那些劈柴,再添上一捆半干半濕的硬木,這才能叫房間暖和起來(lái)。但我知道這筆花銷(xiāo)肯定不菲,于是便走到街對(duì)面,抬頭觀望雨中的屋頂,看那些煙囪是否在冒煙以及冒出來(lái)的煙是濃還是淡。結(jié)果發(fā)現(xiàn)那兒不見(jiàn)任何冒出來(lái)的煙,于是我不禁心想:煙囪是冷的,不通風(fēng);假如在房間里生火,一定會(huì)弄得滿(mǎn)屋子都是煙,白白浪費(fèi)燃料,花出的錢(qián)還不是打水漂了。想到這里,我就冒雨舉步繼續(xù)前行,走過(guò)亨利四世公立中學(xué),走過(guò)古老的圣埃德尼杜蒙教堂和狂風(fēng)呼嘯的先賢祠廣場(chǎng),然后向右拐,想找個(gè)躲雨的地方,最后來(lái)到圣米歇爾林蔭大道背風(fēng)的一側(cè),沿著大道繼續(xù)向前經(jīng)過(guò)克呂尼教堂和圣日耳曼林蔭大道,一直走到圣米歇爾廣場(chǎng)上一家我熟悉的愜意的咖啡館。這里暖和、干凈而且友好,叫人心情愉快。我把我的舊雨衣掛在衣架上晾干,摘下那頂飽經(jīng)風(fēng)雨已破舊不堪的氈帽放在座位旁邊的帽架上,叫了一杯牛奶咖啡。侍者把咖啡送來(lái)后,我從上衣口袋里取出一本筆記簿和一支鉛筆,便開(kāi)始寫(xiě)作。我寫(xiě)的是密歇根州北部的故事。這是一個(gè)風(fēng)雨交加、寒氣逼人的日子,與故事里的那個(gè)日子頗為相似。我經(jīng)歷了童年、少年和青年時(shí)期,看慣了秋去冬來(lái)的景象。寫(xiě)故事寫(xiě)自己身處的環(huán)境要比寫(xiě)別的環(huán)境更有味道,這叫作“身臨其境”,我覺(jué)得不管面前的是人還是蓬勃發(fā)展的事物都是如此。不過(guò),故事里的主人公是些小伙子,他們正在開(kāi)懷痛飲,這引得我饞蟲(chóng)拱動(dòng),于是便叫了杯圣詹姆斯牌朗姆酒。大冷天喝上幾口朗姆酒,感覺(jué)特別好。我拿起筆繼續(xù)寫(xiě)作,感到爽極了——那馬提尼克[3]產(chǎn)的朗姆酒涌遍了我的全身,使我的身心都暖和了起來(lái)。
一個(gè)女孩走進(jìn)咖啡館,獨(dú)自在一張靠窗的桌子邊坐下。她有一副沉魚(yú)落雁的容貌,臉蛋清新秀麗,像一枚剛剛鑄就的硬幣(那是用吹彈可破、平展細(xì)膩、經(jīng)雨水洗過(guò)的皮膚鑄造的硬幣),一頭黑發(fā)如烏云一般,修剪得整整齊齊,斜掠過(guò)前額。
我見(jiàn)了心里一動(dòng),不由激動(dòng)起來(lái),很想把她寫(xiě)進(jìn)手頭的這篇故事里或者別的什么作品里。不過(guò),她坐在那里觀望著街上以及咖啡館的入口處,顯然在等人。我見(jiàn)了,便知趣地又繼續(xù)寫(xiě)我的東西。
寫(xiě)作歸寫(xiě)作,但我心不在焉,思緒難以安定下來(lái)。我又叫了一杯圣詹姆斯朗姆酒提神,眼睛直往女孩那邊看——我只要抬起頭,或者用卷筆刀削鉛筆,讓削下的螺旋形鉛筆屑落入盛酒杯的小碟子中,都會(huì)瞟上她兩眼。
我心猿意馬,暗自思忖:“美人啊,我看著你呢。不管你在等誰(shuí),也不管以后是否還能再見(jiàn)到你,反正此時(shí)此刻你非我莫屬。你屬于我,整個(gè)巴黎都屬于我,而我聽(tīng)命于這本筆記簿和這支鉛筆。”
后來(lái)我又揮筆疾書(shū),一顆心深入故事情節(jié)里,寫(xiě)得如癡如醉?,F(xiàn)在的我已不再心不在焉,而是全神貫注了,不再抬頭張望,忘掉了時(shí)間,忘掉了自己身在何處,也不再要圣詹姆斯朗姆酒喝了——對(duì)于圣詹姆斯朗姆酒,我已感到厭倦,想都不再想它了。等到故事寫(xiě)完后,我已累得渾身發(fā)軟,把最后的那段讀了一遍,再抬起頭時(shí),發(fā)現(xiàn)那女孩已經(jīng)離去。我心里暗暗祝愿:但愿帶她走的是個(gè)好男人!話(huà)雖如此,我還是感到有些傷感。
我把稿紙疊起放在筆記簿里,然后將筆記簿放進(jìn)上衣的暗兜,向侍者要了十幾只這家咖啡館里特供的葡萄牙牡蠣和半瓶干白葡萄酒。我每寫(xiě)完一篇小說(shuō)總感到空落落的,既悲傷又快活,仿佛做了一次愛(ài)似的。至于這篇故事,我胸有成竹,斷定它是一篇佳作,只不過(guò)它究竟好到什么程度還不得而知,這得等到明天通讀一遍才好下結(jié)論。
葡萄牙牡蠣?zhēng)е鴿鉂獾暮P任逗鸵唤z淡淡的金屬味。我一邊吃牡蠣,一邊喝冰鎮(zhèn)的白葡萄酒,借酒沖走金屬味,嘴里只留下了海鮮味和多汁的牡蠣肉。每個(gè)牡蠣殼里那涼涼的肉汁,我都會(huì)吸個(gè)干凈,再灌幾口甘洌的酒液把肉汁沖下肚子。至此,那種空落落的感覺(jué)消失了,心情由陰轉(zhuǎn)晴,我開(kāi)始運(yùn)籌帷幄,規(guī)劃自己的生活。
既然巴黎天公不作美,那就暫時(shí)離開(kāi)巴黎,到一個(gè)沒(méi)有雨只有雪的地方——那里的松林、道路和高山的山坡銀裝素裹,夜間走回家去,腳下的白雪發(fā)出咔嚓咔嚓的聲音。萊薩旺[4]就是這么一個(gè)地方,山下有一戶(hù)農(nóng)家樂(lè),膳宿條件特佳,我們兩口子可以一起住在那里,白天看書(shū),夜里暖暖和和地睡在一張床上,敞開(kāi)窗戶(hù)看窗外明亮的星斗。要去就去那種地方——乘列車(chē)坐三等車(chē)廂,車(chē)錢(qián)不貴,農(nóng)家樂(lè)的膳宿費(fèi)也并不比巴黎的開(kāi)銷(xiāo)多到哪里去。
我要把旅館里那間我寫(xiě)作用的房間退掉,只需付勒穆瓦納主教街74號(hào)的房租即可(那點(diǎn)錢(qián)是微不足道的)。我曾為《多倫多日?qǐng)?bào)》寫(xiě)過(guò)一篇新聞報(bào)道,稿費(fèi)按說(shuō)也快到了。那種稿件隨時(shí)隨地都可以寫(xiě)。所以說(shuō),這趟旅行的盤(pán)纏應(yīng)該是夠用的。
也許,離開(kāi)巴黎后,我可以寫(xiě)寫(xiě)巴黎的人和事,這就跟我身在巴黎寫(xiě)的是密歇根的故事一樣。我卻全然不知要寫(xiě)巴黎還為時(shí)過(guò)早,因?yàn)槲覍?duì)巴黎了解得還不夠深入。然而,故事最后還是寫(xiě)了出來(lái)。不管怎么說(shuō),反正只要我的妻子愿意去,我們就拍屁股走人。想到這里,我吃完牡蠣,將杯中之酒一飲而盡,把咖啡館的賬結(jié)清,然后冒著雨趕回圣吉納維芙山,取近道返回位于山頂?shù)墓⒎浚睦镉X(jué)得這陰雨天僅是巴黎一地的鬼天氣,不能叫它改變自己的生活質(zhì)量。
妻子聽(tīng)后,便對(duì)我說(shuō)道:“我覺(jué)得這將是一次美妙的旅行,塔蒂[5]!咱們何時(shí)動(dòng)身?”她有一張模特兒的臉蛋,每逢做決定時(shí)兩眼熠熠生輝,笑得跟一朵花兒似的,仿佛這就是她贈(zèng)送給我的貴重禮物。
“你說(shuō)什么時(shí)候走就什么時(shí)候走?!?/p>
“哦,我巴不得馬上就走。這你難道不知道嗎?”
“也許等咱們回來(lái)的時(shí)候,這里的天氣就變好了,天空就晴朗了。一旦天晴了,變冷了,日子是可以過(guò)得非常舒坦的。”
“我想一定會(huì)這樣的,”妻子說(shuō),“你能想到出去旅行,真讓人高興?!?/p>
注釋?zhuān)?/b>
[1] 法國(guó)著名畫(huà)家,曾于1914年同畢加索一道發(fā)起立體主義繪畫(huà)運(yùn)動(dòng)。
[2] 法國(guó)19世紀(jì)象征派詩(shī)人。
[3] 法國(guó)的海外大區(qū),位于小安地列斯群島的向風(fēng)群島最北部,島上自然風(fēng)光優(yōu)美,有火山和海灘。
[4] 瑞士的一個(gè)村莊,群山環(huán)繞,冰雪覆蓋。
[5] 海明威當(dāng)新聞?dòng)浾邥r(shí)曾用過(guò)的筆名。
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