演講MP3+雙語文稿:《丑女貝蒂》女主：我的身份是一種超能力，而不是障礙

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【演講人】America Ferrera

【演講主題】我的身份是一種超能力，而不是障礙

【演講文稿-中英文】

翻譯者 Zining Pearl Yuan 校對：Yolanda Zhang

00:00

在我家休息廳的紅地磚上，我曾伴著電視上播放的電影《玫瑰舞后》又唱又跳，該電影是由貝特·米德勒主演的。

On the red tiles in my family's den I would dance and sing to the made-for-TV movie "Gypsy," starring Bette Midler.

00:10

（歌詞）“我曾經(jīng)有過夢想，一個美好的夢，爸爸?！?/p>

(Singing) "I had a dream. A wonderful dream, papa."

00:16

我會帶著一個九歲孩子懷有的迫切心情和強(qiáng)烈欲望歌唱。而事實(shí)上，我的確有一個夢想。我的夢想是成為一名演員，而實(shí)際上，我從沒有見過任何一個和我相像的人出現(xiàn)在電視或電影節(jié)目中。當(dāng)然，我的家人，朋友和老師都經(jīng)常提醒我，像我這樣的人不會有機(jī)會進(jìn)好萊塢。但我是個美國人。我所經(jīng)歷過的教育告訴我，無論膚色，每個人都有可能做成任何事。即便我的父母是洪都拉斯移民，盡管我沒有錢。我不需要使我的夢想變得簡單，我只希望它是可以被實(shí)現(xiàn)的。

I would sing it with the urgency and the burning desire of a nine-year-old who did, in fact, have a dream. My dream was to be an actress. And it's true that I never saw anyone who looked like me in television or in films, and sure, my family and friends and teachers all constantly warned me that people like me didn't make it in Hollywood. But I was an American. I had been taught to believe that anyone could achieve anything, regardless of the color of their skin, the fact that my parents immigrated from Honduras, the fact that I had no money. I didn't need my dream to be easy, I just needed it to be possible.

01:07

在我15歲那年，我得到了第一個正式試鏡的機(jī)會。這是一條關(guān)于電視節(jié)目訂閱或保釋金的廣告，我記得不是很具體了。

And when I was 15, I got my first professional audition. It was a commercial for cable subscriptions or bail bonds, I don't really remember.

01:19

（笑聲）

(Laughter)

01:21

我能記得的是，選角色的導(dǎo)演問過我，“你能再來一遍嗎？希望這次聽起來更加有拉丁裔的感覺。”

What I do remember is that the casting director asked me, "Could you do that again, but just this time, sound more Latina."

01:32

“嗯···好的，所以你希望我用西班牙語重復(fù)一遍？”我問。

"Um, OK. So you want me to do it in Spanish?" I asked.

01:37

“哦不，用英語，只是聽起來像拉丁美洲的英語?！?/p>

"No, no, do it in English, just sound Latina."

01:44

“呃，我就是拉丁裔，我說的不像嗎？“

"Well, I am a Latina, so isn't this what a Latina sounds like?"

01:51

過了一段長時間尷尬的沉默后，她終于說，“好的，親愛的，不用在意，謝謝你能來試鏡，再見！”

There was a long and awkward silence, and then finally, "OK, sweetie, never mind, thank you for coming in, bye!"

01:59

直到我坐車回到家以后，我才明白“聽起來更拉丁美洲”代表她希望讓我講蹩腳的英語。我不能明白為什么，她并不在意我是一個真正的拉丁裔的事實(shí)。

It took me most of the car ride home to realize that by "sound more Latina" she was asking me to speak in broken English. And I couldn't figure out why the fact that I was an actual, real-life, authentic Latina didn't really seem to matter.

02:16

長話短說，我并沒有得到這份工作。我錯失了很多機(jī)會，那些人更希望看到我飾演：混混的女朋友，時髦霸氣的扒手，第二位拉美孕婦。

Anyway, I didn't get the job. I didn't get a lot of the jobs people were willing to see me for: the gang-banger's girlfriend, the sassy shoplifter, pregnant chola number two.

02:29

（笑聲）

(Laughter)

02:31

就好像生來就有角色給像我這樣的人。像我這樣，看起來皮膚太黑，太胖，太窮，太膚淺，不夠老練。這些角色是人們的刻板印象，離真實(shí)的我，或者是離我夢想的角色相隔甚遠(yuǎn)。我希望我飾演的角色性格豐富，是自己人生的主角，不是什么人肉背景或路人甲。

These were the kinds of roles that existed for someone like me. Someone they looked at and saw as too brown, too fat, too poor, too unsophisticated. These roles were stereotypes and couldn't have been further from my own reality or from the roles I dreamt of playing. I wanted to play people who were complex and multidimensional, people who existed in the center of their own lives. Not cardboard cutouts that stood in the background of someone else's.

03:04

但當(dāng)我大膽向我的經(jīng)紀(jì)人，我雇傭來幫我尋找演出機(jī)會的人反映時，他對此的反應(yīng)是，“必須要有個人來告訴這個女孩，她的期待太不切實(shí)際了?！彼]有錯。雖然我解雇了他，但他并沒有錯。

But when I dared to say that to my manager -- that's the person I pay to help me find opportunity -- his response was, "Someone has to tell that girl she has unrealistic expectations." And he wasn't wrong. I mean, I fired him, but he wasn't wrong.

03:26

（笑聲）

(Laughter)

03:28

（掌聲）

(Applause)

03:32

每當(dāng)我嘗試去得到一個并非刻板，可憐的角色時，我通常會聽到：“我們不準(zhǔn)備改變這個角色的特點(diǎn)，“或是“我們喜愛這個角色，但是她的種族太特殊了?！被蛘呤恰胺浅２恍遥覀兊碾娪袄镆呀?jīng)有拉丁美裔演員了。”我一遍又一遍的收到這樣的信息。這告訴我，我的身份特征是我必須跨越過的障礙。所以我想：“讓苦難來得更猛烈些吧。我是美國人，我的名字是艾美莉卡（America）。我的一生都在為此做準(zhǔn)備，我會循規(guī)蹈矩，我會更加努力。”我這么做了，我盡了最大的努力來克服人們反對的聲音。我?guī)缀醪徽驹陉柟庀?，只為了讓我的皮膚不會太黑，我拉直了我原本的卷發(fā)。我一直在減肥，我買那些更花哨并且更昂貴的衣服。這都是為了當(dāng)人們再看到我時，他們見到的不會是一個太胖，太黑，太窮的拉丁美洲人。他們會見到一個我能展現(xiàn)出來的，符合他們要求的人，這樣也許他們會給我一個機(jī)會。

Because whenever I did try to get a role that wasn't a poorly written stereotype, I would hear, "We're not looking to cast this role diversely." Or, "We love her, but she's too specifically ethnic." Or, "Unfortunately, we already have one Latino in this movie." I kept receiving the same message again and again and again. That my identity was an obstacle I had to overcome. And so I thought, "Come at me, obstacle. I'm an American. My name is America. I trained my whole life for this, I'll just follow the playbook, I'll work harder." And so I did, I worked my hardest to overcome all the things that people said were wrong with me. I stayed out of the sun so that my skin wouldn't get too brown, I straightened my curls into submission. I constantly tried to lose weight, I bought fancier and more expensive clothes. All so that when people looked at me, they wouldn't see a too fat, too brown, too poor Latina. They would see what I was capable of. And maybe they would give me a chance.

04:55

諷刺的是，在命運(yùn)的轉(zhuǎn)折點(diǎn)，我終于得到了一個讓我能圓夢的角色，這是一個要求我本色出演的角色?！墩媾行汀分械陌材龋粋€黑皮膚，貧窮，豐腴的拉丁美洲女人。我從未看見過任何活在自己書寫的生命故事中的人，像她一樣，像我一樣。我曾和這部電影在美國和其他國家四處宣傳，人們在安娜身上都能看到他們自己，無論年齡，無論膚色，無論體型。一個胖乎乎的17歲墨西哥裔美國女孩，為了實(shí)現(xiàn)她看似遙遠(yuǎn)的夢，和世俗對抗著。

And in an ironic twist of fate, when I finally did get a role that would make all my dreams come true, it was a role that required me to be exactly who I was. Ana in "Real Women Have Curves" was a brown, poor, fat Latina. I had never seen anyone like her, anyone like me, existing in the center of her own life story. I traveled throughout the US and to multiple countries with this film where people, regardless of their age, ethnicity, body type, saw themselves in Ana. A 17-year-old chubby Mexican American girl struggling against cultural norms to fulfill her unlikely dream.

05:50

盡管我常被他人評頭論足，我知道人們還是會想要看和我一樣的人的生活。我那些不切實(shí)際的，想要在世俗文化中看到真實(shí)的自我，也是其他人的期望?！墩媾行汀肥且粋€帶有批判性的，有文化底蘊(yùn)的，經(jīng)濟(jì)上的成功?！疤昧耍蔽蚁?，“我們做到了！我們證明了我們的故事有某些價值。事情將會一點(diǎn)點(diǎn)變好?！?/p>

In spite of what I had been told my whole life, I saw firsthand that people actually did want to see stories about people like me. And that my unrealistic expectations to see myself authentically represented in the culture were other people’s expectations, too. "Real Women Have Curves" was a critical, cultural and financial success. "Great," I thought, "We did it! We proved our stories have value. Things are going to change now."

06:30

但是我沒有看到任何改變，并沒有什么轉(zhuǎn)折點(diǎn)。在這個行業(yè)的人，沒有一個急著要去講更多的故事，講那些觀眾們渴望聽，也愿意付錢去看的故事。

But I watched as very little happened. There was no watershed. No one in the industry was rushing to tell more stories about the audience that was hungry and willing to pay to see them.

06:46

四年后，當(dāng)我可以扮演《丑女貝蒂》里的人物，同樣的現(xiàn)象依然存在?！冻笈惖佟吩谏嫌车牡谝荒辏瑑H在美國就有一千六百萬次觀看，還在艾美獎獲得了11項(xiàng)提名。

Four years later, when I got to play Ugly Betty, I saw the same phenomenon play out. "Ugly Betty" premiered in the US to 16 million viewers and was nominated for 11 Emmys in its first year.

07:04

（掌聲）

(Applause)

07:09

盡管如此，在之后的8年里，再沒有另一部由一位拉丁美裔演員主演的電視節(jié)目出現(xiàn)在美國電視節(jié)目里?，F(xiàn)在離我成為第一也僅此一位的拉丁美裔艾美獎獲得者已經(jīng)過去12年了。這不是一個應(yīng)該值得驕傲的事情。這使我感到深深的失望。不是因?yàn)楠勴?xiàng)才能夠證明我們的價值，而是因?yàn)槟切╅W閃發(fā)光的人物能教會我們?nèi)绾慰创约?，教會我們思考自己的價值，教會我們?nèi)绾稳粝胛磥怼?/p>

But in spite of "Ugly Betty's" success, there would not be another television show led by a Latina actress on American television for eight years. It's been 12 years since I became the first and only Latina to ever win an Emmy in a lead category. That is not a point of pride. That is a point of deep frustration. Not because awards prove our worth, but because who we see thriving in the world teaches us how to see ourselves, how to think about our own value, how to dream about our futures.

07:53

每當(dāng)我開始質(zhì)疑這句話，我都會想起那個住在巴基斯坦斯瓦特谷的小女孩，每當(dāng)她將手放在一堆美國電視節(jié)目的DVD光盤上，都會看到她的夢想成真。馬拉拉在她的自傳里寫道，“在看見了我的話語能做出怎樣的改變，并且看了關(guān)于在美國雜志社工作的劇集《丑女貝蒂》的光盤后，我對新聞業(yè)產(chǎn)生了興趣?！?/p>

And anytime I begin to doubt that, I remember that there was a little girl, living in the Swat Valley of Pakistan. And somehow, she got her hands on some DVDs of an American television show in which she saw her own dream of becoming a writer reflected. In her autobiography, Malala wrote, "I had become interested in journalism after seeing how my own words could make a difference and also from watching the "Ugly Betty" DVDs about life at an American magazine."

08:27

（掌聲）

(Applause)

08:34

我在職場的這17年，我見證了我們的聲音是如何在這個文化中迸發(fā)出力量的。我見過。我生活中有過，我們都見過。在娛樂圈，在政界，在商業(yè)中，在社會變革里。我們不能否認(rèn)——存在就能創(chuàng)造可能。但是在過去的17年里，我還是聽到過相同的理由，關(guān)于為什么有些人能夠在這個文化中露面， 有些人卻不能。我們的故事沒有觀眾，我們的經(jīng)歷和主流無法共鳴，我們的聲音會為電影帶來財(cái)務(wù)問題。

For 17 years of my career, I have witnessed the power our voices have when they can access presence in the culture. I've seen it. I've lived it, we've all seen it. In entertainment, in politics, in business, in social change. We cannot deny it -- presence creates possibility. But for the last 17 years, I've also heard the same excuses for why some of us can access presence in the culture and some of us can't. Our stories don't have an audience, our experiences won't resonate in the mainstream, our voices are too big a financial risk.

09:27

就在幾年前，我的代理人打電話來解釋，為什么我沒有獲得一個電影中的角色。他說：“他們很喜歡你，他們也真的希望演員來自各個國家、各個文化，但是不將白人演員先招全，這部電影就無法獲得足夠的錢?！彼乃榈貙⑦@個消息傳達(dá)給我，用一種“我理解這簡直是糟透了”的語氣。盡管如此，就像之前數(shù)不清的情況一樣，我感受到了眼淚慢慢流過我的臉頰。被拒絕的痛苦在我心中升起，羞愧的聲音譴責(zé)我：“你是個成年女性了，別為了一個工作而流淚?！睅啄赀^去了，我一直在努力接受我自己的失敗，同時為我不能克服這些困難而感到羞愧難當(dāng)。

Just a few years ago, my agent called to explain to me why I wasn't getting a role in a movie. He said, "They loved you and they really, really do want to cast diversely, but the movie isn't financeable until they cast the white role first." He delivered the message with a broken heart and with a tone that communicated, "I understand how messed up this is." But nonetheless, just like hundreds of times before, I felt the tears roll down my face. And the pang of rejection rise up in me and then the voice of shame scolding me, "You are a grown woman, stop crying over a job." I went through this process for years of accepting the failure as my own and then feeling deep shame that I couldn't overcome the obstacles.

10:24

不同的是，這一次我聽到了新的聲音。這個聲音說：“我累了，我受夠了。”這個聲音能夠理解我的眼淚和痛苦，不是因?yàn)槲沂チ艘环莨ぷ鳎莿e人對我說的話。那些關(guān)于我整個人生，從行政高層到制片人，從導(dǎo)演到劇作家，到代理人和經(jīng)紀(jì)人，再到老師，朋友，和家人說的話，“我是個沒什么價值的人。”

But this time, I heard a new voice. A voice that said, "I'm tired. I've had enough." A voice that understood my tears and my pain were not about losing a job. They were about what was actually being said about me. What had been said about me my whole life by executives and producers and directors and writers and agents and managers and teachers and friends and family. That I was a person of less value.

11:00

我以為防曬霜和直發(fā)棒可以給這個深深定型的價值系統(tǒng)帶來些改變。但是那一刻我醒悟了，其實(shí)我從來沒有要這個系統(tǒng)做出改變。我一直在懇請他們讓我進(jìn)入這個系統(tǒng)，這是不同的。如果我相信這個系統(tǒng)對我的看法，那我就沒能力做出改變。是這樣的。我，就像所有在我身邊的人一樣，相信我不可能變成夢想中的我。我一直在隱藏自己的想法。這個想法向我揭示了一點(diǎn)，在我的言行舉止不變的同時，我也可以是那個我一直想成為的人。這個想法也讓我相信，判斷好人壞人不能帶來任何改變。這次談話使我們都得以脫身，因?yàn)榇蠖鄶?shù)人都不是其中的一個。

I thought sunscreen and straightening irons would bring about change in this deeply entrenched value system. But what I realized in that moment was that I was never actually asking the system to change. I was asking it to let me in, and those aren't the same thing. I couldn't change what a system believed about me, while I believed what the system believed about me. And I did. I, like everyone around me, believed that it wasn't possible for me to exist in my dream as I was. And I went about trying to make myself invisible. What this revealed to me was that it is possible to be the person who genuinely wants to see change while also being the person whose actions keep things the way they are. And what it's led me to believe is that change isn't going to come by identifying the good guys and the bad guys. That conversation lets us all off the hook. Because most of us are neither one of those.

12:21

在我們有足夠的勇氣質(zhì)疑我們根本的價值觀和信念的時候，改變就會到來。然后我們就可以看到，我們通過行動實(shí)現(xiàn)了目標(biāo)。很多人都被告知，如果要實(shí)現(xiàn)夢想，為世界貢獻(xiàn)自己的力量，就必須掩蓋真實(shí)的自我，而我正是其中的一員。我已經(jīng)準(zhǔn)備好接納自己，展現(xiàn)完全真實(shí)的自己。

Change will come when each of us has the courage to question our own fundamental values and beliefs. And then see to it that our actions lead to our best intentions. I am just one of millions of people who have been told that in order to fulfill my dreams, in order to contribute my talents to the world I have to resist the truth of who I am. I for one, am ready to stop resisting and to start existing as my full and authentic self.

13:00

如果我可以回過頭去，對那個在紅磚上跳舞，做夢的九歲小女孩說些什么，我會告訴她，你的身份特征不是你的絆腳石，你的身份特征是你的超能力。因?yàn)槭虑榈恼嫦嗍?，我就是世界的樣子。你就是世界的樣子。所有人在一起就是世界真正的樣子。為了使我們的制度可以反映出這一點(diǎn)，他們不需要創(chuàng)造一個新的現(xiàn)實(shí)， 他們只需要面對現(xiàn)實(shí)。

If I could go back and say anything to that nine-year-old, dancing in the den, dreaming her dreams, I would say, my identity is not my obstacle. My identity is my superpower. Because the truth is, I am what the world looks like. You are what the world looks like. Collectively, we are what the world actually looks like. And in order for our systems to reflect that, they don't have to create a new reality. They just have to stop resisting the one we already live in.

13:40

謝謝。

Thank you.

13:41

（掌聲）

(Applause)