(雙語)月亮和六便士 第30章(1)

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Chapter 30

第三十章

But the bed I made up for myself was sufficiently uncomfortable to give me a wakeful night, and I thought a good deal of what the unlucky Dutchman had told me. I was not so much puzzled by Blanche Stroeve's action, for I saw in that merely the result of a physical appeal. I do not suppose she had ever really cared for her husband, and what I had taken for love was no more than the feminine response to caresses and comfort which in the minds of most women passes for it. It is a passive feeling capable of being roused for any object, as the vine can grow on any tree; and the wisdom of the world recognises its strength when it urges a girl to marry the man who wants her with the assurance that love will follow. It is an emotion made up of the satisfaction in security, pride of property, the pleasure of being desired, the gratification of a household, and it is only by an amiable vanity that women ascribe to it spiritual value. It is an emotion which is defenceless against passion. I suspected that Blanche Stroeve's violent dislike of Strickland had in it from the beginning a vague element of sexual attraction. Who am I that I should seek to unravel the mysterious intricacies of sex? Perhaps Stroeve's passion excited without satisfying that part of her nature, and she hated Strickland because she felt in him the power to give her what she needed. I think she was quite sincere when she struggled against her husband's desire to bring him into the studio; I think she was frightened of him, though she knew not why; and I remembered how she had foreseen disaster. I think in some curious way the horror which she felt for him was a transference of the horror which she felt for herself because he so strangely troubled her.

但是我給自己安設(shè)的床鋪卻很不舒服，整整一夜我也沒睡著，只是翻來覆去思索這個不幸的荷蘭人對我講的故事。勃朗什·施特略夫的行為還是容易解釋的，我認為她做出那種事來只不過是屈服于肉體的誘惑。她對自己的丈夫從來就沒有什么感情，過去我認為她愛施特略夫，實際上只是男人的愛撫和生活的安適在女人身上引起的自然反應(yīng)。大多數(shù)女人都把這種反應(yīng)當做愛情了。這是一種對任何一個人都可能產(chǎn)生的被動的感情，正象藤蔓可以攀附在隨便哪株樹上一樣。因為這種感情可以叫一個女孩子嫁給任何一個需要她的男人，相信日久天長便會對這個人產(chǎn)生愛情，所以世俗的見解便斷定了它的力量。但是說到底，這種感情是什么呢？它只不過是對有保障的生活的滿足，對擁有家資的驕傲，對有人需要自己沾沾自喜，和對建立起自己的家庭洋洋得意而已；女人們稟性善良、喜愛虛榮，因此便認為這種感情極富于精神價值。但是在沖動的熱情前面，這種感情是毫無防衛(wèi)能力的。我懷疑勃朗什·施特略夫之所以非常不喜歡思特里克蘭德，從一開始便含有性的誘惑因素在內(nèi)，可是性的問題是極其復(fù)雜的，我有什么資格妄圖解開這個謎呢？或許施特略夫?qū)λ臒崆橹荒艽碳て?，卻未能滿足她這一部分天性，她討厭思特里克蘭德是因為她感到他具有滿足她這一需求的力量。當她拼命阻攔自己丈夫，不叫他把思特里克蘭德帶回家來的時候，我認為她還是真誠的；她被這個人嚇壞了，盡管她自己也不知道為什么要怕他。我也記得她曾預(yù)言過思特里克蘭德會帶來災(zāi)難和不幸。我想，她對思特里克蘭德的恐懼是她對自己的恐懼的一種奇怪的移植，因為他叫她迷惑不解，心煩意亂。