《柯南脫口秀》第26期:肌肉感到困惑

I go two-pop resurrection.I blast the rats with my own . 我進(jìn)行了兩個(gè)步驟 拿出殺蟲劑 噴老鼠

And I believe it was Kelly Clarkson who once said,whatever doesn't kill you makes you stronger. 我想是凱麗·克拉克森曾經(jīng)說過 殺不死你的能讓你變得更強(qiáng)大

And that is especially true when it comes to pesticides and rats. 對(duì)于殺蟲劑和老鼠而言 這尤其正確

Not only do these rats not die,They evolve. 這些老鼠不僅僅沒死 還進(jìn)化了

They become smarter,for vengeful rats. 它們成了更聰明 更有報(bào)復(fù)心理的老鼠

So I'm like,fine,I go old school.I set a trap,put cheese in the middle of it. 我想著好吧 我按老式方法來 我搞了個(gè)老鼠夾 在中間放了一塊奶酪

Two hours later,I check the trap.Trap still set,cheese is gone. 兩小時(shí)后 我看了看老鼠夾 老鼠夾沒動(dòng) 奶酪不見了

My car keys are in the middle of the trap.They figured it out. 我的車鑰匙在老鼠夾中間 它們想明白了

The rats figured it out.Now it's a chess match. 老鼠們想明白了 現(xiàn)在成了象棋比賽

And I'm losing,because I'm sick from my own pesticides. 我輸了 因?yàn)槲屹I的殺蟲劑讓我生病了

I can no longer have children.I probably could have a kid,but he'd be like a benjamin button, 我沒法有孩子了 我可能會(huì)有孩子 他會(huì)跟本杰明·巴頓一樣

Porbably an elderly baby that ages in reverse. 也許是年紀(jì)大的人 慢慢變小

I workout.I go to the gym.Here's the thing about the gym.you can't do the same workout, 我健身 我去健身房 這是健身房的一個(gè)特點(diǎn) 你不能做相同的鍛煉

Because your muscles are smart,and they have memory. 因?yàn)槟愕募∪夂苈斆?它們有記憶

And they will memorize your workout.then you will not make any gain. 它們會(huì)記住你的鍛煉 然后你就不會(huì)有進(jìn)步了

So you have to do muscle confusion.you have to confuse your muscles. 所以你得讓肌肉困惑 你得讓你的肌肉感到困惑

That's what I do.I get dressed like I'm gonna work out. 我就是這樣的 我穿得像是要去健身

Right before I step on the treadmill,I smoke a cigarette.Muscle confusion. 我上跑步機(jī)之前 會(huì)抽根煙 肌肉就困惑了

My muscles are like,I thought we were going to go for a run.I'm like,sorry,muscles.we're partying. 我的肌肉說 我還以為我們要跑步呢 我說對(duì)不起 肌肉 我們?cè)谂蓪?duì)

Guy sees me smoking in the gym.He's like,you can't smoke here,violation of the fire code. 有人看見我在健身房抽煙 他說 你不能在這里抽煙 違反了消防法規(guī)

I'm like,do you know who you're talking to?I'm a volunteer firefighter. 我說 你知道你在跟誰說話嗎 我是志愿消防隊(duì)員