第九季:第10集 謝爾頓的發(fā)瘋之路(上)
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Sheldon Cooper's descent into madness...day two.
謝爾頓·庫珀的發(fā)瘋之路，第二天
It's 2:25 A.M., and I feel the urge to urinate. My normal urination time is 7:10 A.M.,
現(xiàn)在是深夜2點25，我有一股強烈的尿意，我正常的晨尿時間是早上7點10分
but here I am, in the middle of the night, struggling to keep my mind sharp and my pajamas dry.
但在這夜半時刻，我卻掙扎著要保持頭腦清晰與睡衣褲干燥
It's only a matter of time before my tenuous grasp on reality fades. I suppose I should pee while I still know what a toilet is.
遲早有一天，我對現(xiàn)實薄弱的掌握力就會消失，還是趁沒忘記什么是廁所前，趕緊去尿吧
Since when do you hum songs?
你什么時候開始哼歌了
What are you talking about?
你說啥呢
You were just humming.
你剛才在哼歌
Are you sure?Sometimes when my brain really gets moving, it makes noise.
你確定嗎，有時候當我腦筋運轉飛快也會發(fā)出聲音
How does your brain feel about calculating the surface tension of the domain walls?
那你的大腦對于計算疇壁的表面張力怎么看
Let's see. Hey! I was humming. One point for Hufflepuff.
我看看，我還真是在哼歌，赫奇帕奇加一分
What song is that?
這是什么歌啊
Well... Hum it again. Is that the SpongeBob song? Who lives in a pineapple?Nope.
你再哼一次，是《海綿寶寶》的主題曲嗎，是誰住在深海的大鳳梨里，不是
Whatever. Can we just get back to this?
隨便啦，能回到正題嗎
I feel like I know what song that is, but I can't put my finger on it.
我總感覺我知道這首歌，但就是想不起是哪一首
My country, 'tis of thee No.
愛吾土兮自由鄉(xiāng)，不是
It's just an earworm. It'll come to you. Okay. Respect,No.
只是歌曲卡腦里（耳蟲）了，會想起來的，好吧，酋寸千日土，不是
Is this what we're doing the rest of the night?
我們今晚余下時間都要這樣嗎
I'm surprised you have to ask...
我很驚訝你居然還問... ?
Hello, yes, I was hoping you could help me. What song is this?
您好，是的，我希望你們能幫一下我，這首歌是什么歌呢
You don't know? Well, how dare you call yourselves a Rock and Roll Hall of Fame?
你不知道嗎，你們怎么好意思稱自己為"搖滾名人堂"呢（西方搖滾界有舉足輕重的地位）
My goodness. Do you sing along to the greatest hits of Elvis Presley with that mouth?
我的老天，你就是用這張臟嘴來跟唱貓王的傳世杰作嗎
Well, they were no help at all.
他們一點屁用都沒有
Which is crazy, since rock and roll is all about good customer service.
真"不敢置信"啊，畢竟搖滾最講究良好的客戶服務了
Yeah. So you have a song stuck in your head. It happens to everybody.
你腦子里卡了一首歌，這在大家身上都發(fā)生過啊
Well, I'm not everybody. I have an eidetic memory.
我不是大家，我有過目不忘的記憶力
I should be able to remember what song this is, but I can't. Something's wrong with me.
我應該要能記住這是哪首歌的，可我就是想不起來，我腦子肯定哪里有問題
I told you if we were patient, he'd figure it out for himself.
我就說如果我們夠耐心，他會自己發(fā)現(xiàn)這事
Oh... I was always afraid this day would come. This might be the first step of my descent into madness, where I gradually test the limits of public nudity.
我從以前就很害怕這天的到來，這可能是我變成瘋子的第一步，然后我逐步探底直至在公眾場合裸露
Public nudity? Eh, that just means going barefoot.
公眾場合裸露嗎，那只是意味著沒穿襪子罷了
Hello? Hi, Dave. Uh, it's Amy. Oh. How are you? I'm fine. How are you?
您好，戴夫，你好，我是艾米，你好嗎，我很好，你呢
Terrific. And pleasantly surprised to hear from you, given how I acted on our last date.
也很好啊，你打來真讓我又驚又喜，畢竟上次約會時我的表現(xiàn)不太出色
Yeah, well, we both made mistakes, you know.
我們倆都有不好的地方嘛
I took the last breadstick, you gushed over my exboyfriend like he was Leonard Nimoy and you were my exboyfriend.
我吃了最后一根面包棒，你不停提我前任，就像我前任討論他愛的《星際旅行》演員一樣
So, to what do I owe the pleasure?
所以今天什么風把你吹來
Well, I was wondering if you'd like to get dinner again sometime.
我有點好奇你有沒有興趣找個時間再共進晚餐
Yes, please. Great.
好的，沒問題，太好了
Let me just check my schedule, he said, trying to seem like a man with things on his schedule.
讓我看一下行程表，他說道，好像他行程表上真有安排一樣
How 'bout Saturday?
這周六如何
Uh, hmm...Let me see. Uh, Friday, farmers' market with Jay Z. Sunday, piano shopping with Elton John. Saturday works.
我看看，周五跟大牌嘻哈歌手去農(nóng)貿市場，周日跟歌手艾爾頓·約翰去買鋼琴，周六行啊
Oh. Did you know, at the United Nations, there's a Department for Outer Space Affairs? Really? Why?
你知道聯(lián)合國里有一個外層空間事務部門嗎，真的嗎，為啥要這部門
They exist in case we ever make contact with an alien civilization.
以防哪天真有機會跟外星文明接觸
Mm, boy, that's one of those jobs that's boring, boring, boring, then, "Oh, God! Where's the memo with what we do now?!"
這種工作大概就是無聊，無聊，無聊到死，突然"哇靠，我們該怎么做的備忘錄放哪去了"
Oh, this is cool. So, a few weeks ago, I set up a fan page on Facebook for our band and...
這挺酷，幾周前呢，我在臉書上給我們樂團開了個粉絲頁...
Wait a second. How could you do that without consulting me?
等等，你怎么可以不問過我就做這種事
It's not a big deal. It just took, like, five minutes to set up.
這又不是什么大事，就花五分鐘就能弄好的東西
That's not the point. When we created Footprints on the Moon, we agreed that every band decision would be mutual.
這不是重點，我們創(chuàng)立"月球足跡"樂團時，說好樂團所有決定都得經(jīng)過兩人同意
Now you're just trying to take over the whole thing.
你現(xiàn)在就是想獨攬一切
You know, maybe I should go solo. But someone joined our page. We have an actual fan.
或許我該單飛，但有人加了我們的粉絲頁，我們有一個粉絲了
All right. This thing's bigger than you and me band's back together.
好吧，這事比咱倆重要樂團重組
So, listen to what he wrote.
你聽他寫了什么
Uh, "I saw you play at the comic book store. You guys rock."
我看到你們在漫畫店的演出，你們屌爆了"
And then there's a animated smiley face raising the roof like this...
然后還有一張笑臉的動圖，像嗨到要掀了房頂一樣
We did raise the roof that night. Yeah, we totally did.
那晚我們的確是嗨爆了全場，絕對啊
Why do rock stars do drugs when this feels so great?
搖滾明星為啥要嗑藥啊，這感覺明明爽炸了
Why can't I recall this song? This is taking far too long. The urge to bang my head against the wall.
為何我想不起這首歌,這耗太久了，這讓我想用頭撞墻的沖動
Again and again and again and again and again is strong.
撞撞撞，撞了又撞，撞完還撞的感覺強烈
Put on some headphones.
插上耳機好嗎
No. They make my earlobes sweat.
不要，戴了我耳垂會流汗
Uh, sweetie, why don't you take a break and do something else for a while?
親愛的，你為何不先別想這事，先去做點別的事情呢
There was a project I've been thinking about starting.
的確有一個我想著要開始的計劃
Okay, great. What is it? I'll show you.
很好啊，什么計劃，我給你看
Dear Crazy Future Sheldon, you were driven mad by an earworm.
致親愛的未來已瘋謝爾頓，你被卡腦歌給搞瘋了
Your mind, once your most trusted asset, is now a sack of parrots and monkeys.
你的頭腦，你曾經(jīng)最信任的本錢現(xiàn)在就是漿糊加豆腐渣
So...I'm going to tell you everything you need to know.
所以我要告訴你一切你需要知道的事
Uh, first, music is dangerous. The movie Footloose tried to warn us,but we wouldn't listen.
首先，音樂非常危險，電影《渾身是勁》試圖要警告我們，但我們并未聽從
Oh, wait.Everybody cut footloo...Nope.
等等，大家解放雙... ? 不對
I'll pay $1,000 to watch you cut footloose.
我愿意出一千塊看你像電影里跳舞
This is Penny. She is your friend. If she offers you food, it's safe to take it. You probably paid for it, anyway.
這位是佩妮，她是你的朋友，如果她要給你食物，可以放心吃，反正估計那也是用你自己的錢買的
So, you're really going out with Dave again?
你真的要再跟戴夫出去約會嗎
Why not? He's actually a very nice guy.
有何不可，他其實是個很好的人啊
But he spent an entire date talking about how much he loves Sheldon.
但上次整個約會中，他不停地說自己有多愛謝爾頓
That's nothing Sheldon hasn't done before. Dave's just a big fan of his work.
謝爾頓也常說他有多愛自己啊，戴夫只是很仰慕他的研究
Besides, he said he wouldn't bring it up again.
而且他說他不會再提了
Okay. So where's he taking you?
好吧，這次他要帶你去哪吃飯
Oh, he's coming here. I'm actually making dinner.
他會來家里，這次是我要下廚
Oh. That's a big step. It is?
這是很大的一步啊，是嗎
Yeah. You're inviting him into your home. It's intimate. It's where your underpants live.
對啊，你邀請他到自己家里來，這是很親密的事，這里可是你小內內的家啊
You know what? Good. I tried to get back together with Sheldon; he shot me down; Dave likes me. Maybe intimate is what I need.
其實呢，這樣最好，我試圖要跟謝爾頓重修舊好，他拒絕了我，而戴夫喜歡我，或許我需要的就是親密
You sure? You've never really been with a man. Do you really want to start with one that's sixfootseven?
你確定嗎，你基本都沒跟男人親密過，你確定要從一個兩米的大高個開始嗎
Why not? 'Cause it's like taking your driver's test in a bus.
有何不妥，這就像開巴士考駕照，小孩玩大槍啊
Maybe we should post a comment back to our fan and thank him.
或許我們該回復我們粉絲的評論，謝謝人家
What should we write?
那我們要回什么
How 'bout, uh... Oh, how 'bout, "We might be Footprints on the Moon,but your kind words sent us over the moon."
這么回怎么樣，或許我們是月球足跡，但你的評論讓我們爽得離開月球表面"
Someday you're gonna make an amazing grandma.
以后你一定是專煮心靈雞湯的好奶奶
What do you want to write?
那你想回什么
Something badass, you know, like..."Thanks for diggin' our vibe. We'll keep rockin' if you keep rollin'."
要回酷一點，就像感謝知音人，我們繼續(xù)搖，只要你不滾"
Dude, if I was wearing a bra, I'd throw it at your head right now.
兄弟，如果我有穿著胸罩，現(xiàn)在一定脫下來甩給你了
I'll keep rockin'. You don't do that. Okay. I posted it.
我會繼續(xù)搖，求你千萬別，好了，我回復了
So, who is this guy? Let's see. Uh, his name is Trent Monaco.
這家伙是誰啊，我看看，他叫特倫特·莫納可
Cool name. Yeah. He's 24. He's a deejay. He brews his own beer. He's got awesome tattoos.Dude, he's got a hot girlfriend, too.
名字挺酷，是的，今年24歲，他是一名DJ，他自己釀制啤酒，有很酷的紋身，兄弟，他還有一個火辣的女友
Damn. I don't know if he's our biggest fan or I'm his.
靠，真不知道我跟他誰才是誰的腦殘粉
Hey, Trent just liked our comment. He is so cool!
特倫特點贊了我們的回復，他好酷哦
No hard feelings, but I'm throwing my hypothetical bra at him.
希望你別介意，但我要把我的假想胸罩甩給他了
Oh, my God, he won't stop.How does he keep coming up with new ways to be annoying?
老天，他就是不罷休，他怎么老能有惹人煩的新招啊
Nobody knows. That's why he's number one.
沒人知道，所以他是頭號煩人精
Can you please go talk to him?
你能去說說他嗎
Come on. I take care of him all day long. You do it for once.
拜托，我照顧他一整天了，你去一次
Once? Who got the gum out of his hair?
什么一次，誰幫他把頭發(fā)的口香糖弄下來的
What do you want, a medal? It was your gum. Fine. I love you. Who cares?
這事還得給你頒獎嗎，那可是你的口香糖，好吧，愛你哦，去死吧
What are you doing in my room? I...Stop it! That's mine! Why are you so strong?!
你來我房間干嘛,住手，那是我的，為什么你力大如牛
Problem solved. Oh, yeah, he got a tuba.
問題解決，對哦，他還有個大號
Dear Crazy Future Sheldon...this is a thermostat. It controls the temperature of the apartment. The ideal setting is 72 degrees.
致親愛的未來已瘋謝爾頓，這是恒溫器，它能控制公寓的溫度，理想的溫度設置是22攝氏度
If you find this too cold, then put on a jacket. A straitjacket, 'cause 72's the best and you're crazy.
如果你覺得這溫度冷，那就穿上衣服，瘋子束身衣好了，因為22度最舒服，而且你瘋了
Now... this...is your spot. You're very protective of it.
現(xiàn)在介紹，這里是你的專座，你會死命護住它
When anyone else tries to sit here, you berate them relentlessly.
一旦有人想坐這里，你會無情地斥責他們
It sounds mean, but somehow you make it adorable. People are also delighted by your love of pranks.
聽起來很壞，但你總能讓這事變可愛，人們也對你愛好的惡作劇感到愉悅
For example, Leonard has no idea what I did to his coffee.
比如，萊納德完全不知道我對他的咖啡做了什么
It wasn't "Replace it with Folger's crystals," I'll tell you that much.
那不是"不含任何咖啡因的咖啡"，我只能透露這么多
Hey, can we please get back to work? This is Leonard. He's your best friend in the world.
我們能繼續(xù)工作了嗎，這位是萊納德，他是你全世界最好的朋友
All right, just stop. This is ridiculous.
好啦，別錄了，太可笑了
Sometimes he gets cranky, but you can trust him with your life.
有時他會變得暴躁，但他是值得信賴終身的人
And he does more things for you than I can even begin to list. Thank you. Oh, no, he's drinking it.
而且他為你做的事多到我數(shù)不完，謝謝，他喝了
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