生活大爆炸第七季:第17集:屌絲是怎樣煉成的(上)
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Raj, your tag's sticking out.
拉杰，衣服標(biāo)簽露出來(lái)了
Thank you. That was the closest I've come to sex in, like, two years.
謝謝，這大概是兩年來(lái)我跟性行為最接近的一次接觸了
Now I feel a little gross.
說(shuō)得我都有點(diǎn)惡心
You're only making it seem more real for me.
你說(shuō)得讓我覺(jué)得更像那么回事了
Hey, that's my wife. If anyone's gonna make her feel gross about sex, it's me.
喂，她是我老婆，只有我才能讓她做愛(ài)到惡心
Can we please talk about something other than my depressing love life?
能不能談點(diǎn)別的，別老戳我沒(méi)人愛(ài)的痛處
How about Penny's depressing acting career?
要不戳戳佩妮演藝生涯的痛處?
Hey, I mean, it's been a little tough, but Penny's following her dreams, and in my book, that is not depressing.
雖然走得不大順，但佩妮一直追逐自己的夢(mèng)想，在我的字典里，這不叫痛處
Aw... Thank you. Is that book called Lies I Tell to Get Sex?
謝謝支持，那本字典是叫《論如何通過(guò)撒謊來(lái)滾床單》么?
Is that a real book? I would totally read that book.
真有這本書(shū)嘛?我真心想讀讀那本書(shū)
Can I borrow it when you're done?
你看完之后能借我不?
Well, I'll have you guys know I turned down a part in a movie last week.
我跟你們說(shuō)上周我拒掉一個(gè)電影的出演機(jī)會(huì)
Why would you do that?
為什么呀?
Because it was crap. It's a sequel to that awful killer gorilla movie I was in.
因?yàn)槭遣繝€片，是我演的那部殺人猩猩的續(xù)集
Serial Ape-ist? I thought you died in that.
《連環(huán)殺人猩》?電影里你不是已經(jīng)死了嗎?
She does. 42 minutes in. While showering topless,
她是死了，42分的時(shí)候死了，是裸上身沐浴的時(shí)候死的
16 minutes after brief side butt during a pillow fight with her sorority sisters.
16分鐘前和女生聯(lián)誼會(huì)的姐妹們枕頭大戰(zhàn)時(shí)也曾側(cè)臀微露
I have an eidetic memory. I don't know what his problem is.
我是記憶力超群，但不知道他怎么記這么清楚
Okay, well, there are no shower scenes in this one. They just try to clone me from my corpse,
這次沒(méi)有沐浴的場(chǎng)景，他們想用我的尸體進(jìn)行克隆
but my DNA gets mixed with the ape's DNA and I end up running around with giant gorilla hands and feet.
但我的DNA和猩猩的DNA混在了一起，最后我長(zhǎng)出了大猩猩的手和腳
Am I missing something, or isn't that the part she was born to play?
我漏掉什么重點(diǎn)了嗎？這不是為她天造地設(shè)的角色嗎?
So are you really not gonna do this movie?
你真的不打算演那部電影了?
Well, I don't think it's the kind of part that's good for my career.
我覺(jué)得這種角色無(wú)益于我的演藝生涯
Well, but don't a lot of famous actors get their start doing bad movies?
但是很多大腕不是都從爛片開(kāi)始演起的嗎?
Okay, I don't think Meryl Streep ever had to say... "Must keep gorilla hands from killing again!"
梅麗爾·斯特里普可從沒(méi)說(shuō)過(guò)這樣的臺(tái)詞，"猩猩之手不能再沾上鮮血了"
If she did, it would be amazing. That woman can do no wrong.
如果她來(lái)說(shuō)，肯定很精彩，那個(gè)女人什么都能演
I-I don't know anything about show business,
演藝圈的事我一無(wú)所知
so if you think it's reasonable to turn down paid work and just burn through your savings, I'm sure you know what you're doing.
所以，如果你覺(jué)得拒掉有薪酬的工作一直坐吃山空是明智的選擇的話，我想你自己心里有數(shù)
I think we're gonna go.
我們?cè)撟吡?/div>
Are you sure? We were making fun of failed careers.
你確定?我們正在嘲諷失敗的事業(yè)呢
We didn't get to tap the juicy vein that is Howard's.
還沒(méi)開(kāi)始嘲諷霍華德的工作呢
Hey, I work at the same university you do.
喂，我跟你在一個(gè)大學(xué)工作好么
Yes, and Hawkeye's in the Avengers, but no one ever says, "Help, Hawkeye!"
是呀，鷹眼俠也在《復(fù)仇者聯(lián)盟》里怎么也沒(méi)聽(tīng)人喊"救我，鷹眼俠"
Can I ask you something?
我能問(wèn)你點(diǎn)事不?
Why do you constantly feel the need to put down my husband?
為什么你要一直打擊我老公?
Oh, I'm sure he does it out of love. The same way my boyfriend makes me feel terrible about my life choices.
肯定是因?yàn)閻?ài)啊，我男朋友也是通過(guò)打擊我的人生選擇來(lái)表達(dá)愛(ài)意的
I think we're gonna go.
我覺(jué)得我們?cè)撟吡?/div>
No, no, no. This is not a fight.
等下等下，這又不是吵架
I-I was just excited that someone offered you a part and a little surprised that you'd rather sit at home and do nothing than take it.
我只是很高興你接到一個(gè)角色有點(diǎn)驚訝為什么你寧愿在家無(wú)所事事也不去拍戲
Now it's a fight.
現(xiàn)在升級(jí)成吵架了
Well, with that sorted out, I'm happy to answer your question, Bernadette.
既然他們的事已經(jīng)解決了，我很樂(lè)意回答你的問(wèn)題，伯納黛特
Howard started it.
是霍華德先挑起的
I didn't do anything. I was just sitting here.
我啥事沒(méi)干啊，我就一直坐這
I wasn't referring to this evening.
我不是說(shuō)今天晚上
Ten years ago, upon first seeing me, your husband claimed that I looked like C-3PO and Pee-wee Herman.
10年前，我們第一次見(jiàn)面你老公說(shuō)我看起來(lái)像C-3PO（《星球大戰(zhàn)》中的機(jī)器人）機(jī)器人，和喜劇演員皮·威·赫爾曼的結(jié)合體
And he called me C-3P-wee Herman. Still funny.
他還叫我C-3P威·赫爾曼。還是很好笑
That was ten years ago.
都是10年前的事了
Nine years, 11 months and three weeks ago,
9年11個(gè)月零3個(gè)星期之前
he followed that up by replacing the slides for my lecture with photographs of nude fat women bending over. Really?
他再次犯賤，把我演講PPT里幾張幻燈片換成了裸體胖女人彎腰的照片。真的嗎?
The lecture was on cosmic gas clouds. That's funny!
那個(gè)演講是關(guān)于宇宙氣體云的。多有趣啊!
I was there. It was funny.
我在場(chǎng)，確實(shí)很有趣
In any event, that began a decade-long progression of insults, pranks and unwanted magazine subscriptions.
不管怎么說(shuō)，這引發(fā)了長(zhǎng)達(dá)十年的羞辱，惡搞和不請(qǐng)自來(lái)的雜志
To this day, I still get a monthly copy of Granny on Granny.
直到今天，我還會(huì)收到每月一刊的《奶奶也瘋狂》
Which, other than its surprisingly fun puzzle page, is complete filth.
除了趣味難題那一頁(yè)超級(jí)有趣外，其他的完全不堪入目
Thanks for walking me to my car.
謝謝你陪我走到停車(chē)的地方
Actually, it's for both of us.
其實(shí)，我也要謝謝你
Last night, I watched West Side Story, and I'm a little freaked out by street gangs.
昨晚我看了一部《西區(qū)故事》美國(guó)歌舞片，里面涉及了一些社會(huì)問(wèn)題，我有點(diǎn)被街頭小流氓嚇到了
Why can't Raj find a girl? The mystery continues.
為什么拉杰找不到女朋友?仍然是未解之謎
I don't appreciate your sarcasm, but we've still got two blocks to go, so I'll put up with it.
我不喜歡你的諷刺，但是還有兩條街要走，我忍了
Whatever happened with your online dating?
你的網(wǎng)上相親怎么樣了?
No one was writing me back, so I stopped checking my profile.
沒(méi)人回復(fù)我，所以我不再登錄了
Before I met Sheldon, I was ready to give up, too.
遇到謝爾頓之前，我也幾乎要放棄了
Once, I even dropped in on my OB/GYN just to get some human contact.
有一次，我甚至去看婦產(chǎn)科就是想得到一些肌膚接觸
It has been a while since I got my prostate checked.
有段時(shí)間沒(méi)去前列腺檢查了
Then I met Sheldon and look at where we are now.
然后我遇到了謝爾頓，看我們現(xiàn)在多好
What? You've kissed, like, once in three years.
好?你們?nèi)瓴庞H過(guò)一次
That's true. Do whatever you want.
說(shuō)得沒(méi)錯(cuò)，你愛(ài)咋咋滴
Hey. Hello. Listen, I was thinking you and I could probably try to be better friends. Really?
在呀。好呀。我在想，也許我們能試著做更好的朋友。真的嗎?
I was thinking what we have now is a bit much.
我覺(jué)得我倆現(xiàn)在已經(jīng)有點(diǎn)好過(guò)頭了
Seriously, I was talking to Bernadette last night and...
別這樣，昨天晚上我跟伯納黛特聊過(guò)了，
she made some great points. You and I have known each other a long time, and I didn't hear the rest 'cause she took her bra off.
她說(shuō)的幾點(diǎn)都很有道理。我們倆認(rèn)識(shí)也挺久了，后來(lái)就沒(méi)聽(tīng)到了，因?yàn)樗研卣纸o脫了
Very well. How do you propose we move forward?
好吧，你覺(jué)得如何改善?
Uh, for starters, we could stop insulting each other.
首先，不再相互諷刺
That's a great idea.
好主意
And in the spirit of our new arrangement, I will mask my surprise that you came up with it.
本著改善關(guān)系的精神，如果你提出什么建議，我會(huì)假裝不驚訝
Anyway, I got invited to do a little talk at NASA in Houston this weekend. They gave me two tickets. Bernadette can't go.
我被邀請(qǐng)這周末去休斯頓的國(guó)家宇航局總部做一個(gè)演講，他們給了我兩張票，伯納黛特去不了
You want to come with me?You can visit your mom, and I'll show you around the space center.
你要和我一起去嗎?你可以探望下母親，我可以帶你逛逛太空中心
I have one question.
我有一個(gè)疑問(wèn)
Is this a prank...
這是不是惡作劇
where we land in Houston and you've made up wanted posters that have my face with a mustache and a Spanish name
當(dāng)我們抵達(dá)休斯頓，你偽造了通緝告示，告示上的我長(zhǎng)著小胡子，還編排個(gè)西班牙名
and then I get arrested and deported to South America? No.
然后我被逮捕并驅(qū)逐到南美洲?當(dāng)然不會(huì)
I'm glad because I would not have seen that coming.
我很高興你能請(qǐng)我去，因?yàn)槲乙矝](méi)那樣想
Amy, I could use some help.
艾米，我想找你幫個(gè)忙
Oh. Let me guess. There's an... undergrad in a leather jacket snapping his fingers by the water fountain.
讓我猜猜看，是不是有個(gè)穿著皮夾克的本科生在飲水機(jī)旁彈著響指
I thought about what you said last night, and I went back on the dating Web site and I was looking at this girl's profile.
我想了一下你昨天晚上說(shuō)的話，所以我重新登錄了那個(gè)相親網(wǎng)站，就看到了這個(gè)女孩的資料
She's amazing.
她真的很棒
Oh, she's cute.
挺可愛(ài)的嘛
And smart. Phi Beta Kappa.
還很聰明，是優(yōu)等生學(xué)會(huì)的呢
And judging by her lack of Adam's apple, she's been female her entire life.
從她沒(méi)有結(jié)喉這點(diǎn)判斷，她一直都是女兒身
I like that in a woman.
我喜歡這樣子的女人
Great, so what do you need me for?
不錯(cuò)，那你需要我?guī)湍阕鍪裁?
Well, I was up all night trying to write to her, but I wanted to run it by you first. All right.
我昨晚一夜沒(méi)睡，都在給她寫(xiě)信，但我想讓你先過(guò)目。好吧
"Emily" your face is like a precious dew-kissed flower..." Wow.
"艾米麗, "你的嬌容就如掛滿露珠的鮮花..."我去
I know. Powerful stuff, huh? No. You're supposed to be yourself, not all... desperate and creepy.
我知道，太震撼了是吧?不是，你應(yīng)該真實(shí)一點(diǎn)，而不是表現(xiàn)得...又絕望又猥瑣
Okay, I'm getting some mixed messages here.
好吧，我覺(jué)得你說(shuō)話前后矛盾啊
Just say something normal like, "I saw your profile.
說(shuō)些正常的話，例如，"我看過(guò)你的資料"
"Looks like we have a lot in common; let's get a cup of coffee sometime." Yes. "Where I can be" jealous of the cup touching your ruby lips."
"看起來(lái)咱有蠻多的共通點(diǎn)"，不如有空去喝杯咖啡吧"對(duì)，"那我就可以妒忌咖啡杯觸碰你鮮艷欲滴的嬌唇"
Or you just write it for me.
或者你幫我寫(xiě)就好了
I'm not gonna pretend to be you.
我可不要假裝是你
I don't want you to pretend to be me. You can be like my, uh, online wingman.
我不想你假裝是我，你可以做我的網(wǎng)上泡妞搭檔
Like if we met her at a bar and you talked me up.
比如，如果我們?cè)诰瓢衫镆?jiàn)面，你可以在她面前幫我美言幾句
Well, what would I say to her?
好吧，那你希望我對(duì)她說(shuō)些啥呢?
Just tell her what I'm really like.
就告訴她我是個(gè)怎樣的人
And, if you think it'll help, that you saw me changing once and my package reminded you of the muscular tail of a jaguar.
還有，如果你覺(jué)得這句話有用，你就說(shuō)有次看到我換衣服，我的小兄弟讓你想起美洲虎強(qiáng)健結(jié)實(shí)的尾巴
Use your own words.
用你自己的話來(lái)說(shuō)
Thanks again for taking me to the pharmacy.
再次謝謝你帶我去藥房
Oh, it's no problem. Is everything okay?
小事一樁啦，你沒(méi)事吧?
Oh, I'm fine. It's just some, uh, stomach medication for my trip.
我沒(méi)事，只是去買(mǎi)一些我旅行用的胃藥
There's the remote yet distinct possibility that I may end up in South America.
雖然不大可能，但我還是有被扔到南美洲的可能
Remember the old days when I would've said something dumb like "Why?"
還記得過(guò)去我會(huì)很沒(méi)腦子地接茬說(shuō)"為什么"嗎?
Uh, that doesn't sound good.
聽(tīng)起來(lái)不妙
Remember the old days when I used to point out that your check engine light was on?
還記得過(guò)去我會(huì)提醒你發(fā)動(dòng)機(jī)故障燈亮著嗎?
Yes. Well, get ready to stroll down memory lane: Penny, your check engine... Yeah, I know it's on, Sheldon!
那準(zhǔn)備好緬懷往事咯:佩妮，你的發(fā)動(dòng)機(jī)故障燈...謝爾頓，我知道燈亮了!
Oh, no, no, no, no, no. I cannot afford this right now.
別啊，現(xiàn)在我可修不起車(chē)啊
Maybe it's just something minor.
或者只是小問(wèn)題呢
Ooh, good news, the light just went out.
好消息，故障燈不亮了
